


The Frostbound March

by Sylvas



Series: The Resurgence of Noxus [1]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Romance, Sexual Content, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 06:38:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5858236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylvas/pseuds/Sylvas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ahri's very favorite thing during Snowdown was all of the games that humans would play in the snow, because they normally seemed to think they were too big and tough for games, and at first Ahri had worried that humans didn't like playing, but it turns out they definitely do like playing, they just seem ashamed of it. But during Snowdown people relax and celebrate, so the ones that like to play will come up with games, and Ahri loved to learn all about their games and play with them, when they would let her. </p>
<p>But when they let her, that was the problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Frostbound March

Ahri's very favorite thing during Snowdown - this was only the fourth one she had been Awake for, so even though she had seen a lot of them, she was sure there were still new things to experience - but her very favorite thing during Snowdown, so far anyway, was all of the games that humans would play in the snow, because they normally seemed to think they were too big and tough for games, and at first Ahri had worried that humans didn't like playing, but it turns out they definitely do like playing, they just seem ashamed of it. But during Snowdown people relax and celebrate, so the ones that like to play will come up with games, and Ahri loved to learn all about their games and play with them, when they would let her. 

But when they let her, that was the problem. The Institute hosted all kinds of events during Snowdown, to represent the nations that comprised it, and since the League of Legends was _supposed_ to be this all-encompassing place where people from all around the world met and cooperated, anyone was allowed to participate in any event - or at least that was what they claimed, but Ahri had always had trouble. The Demacian carolers were sometimes nice, and would let Ahri sing with them when they wandered around the grounds, and it was kind of them, but she wanted to know more about their own ceremonies, and they would be evasive and flighty with her when she asked; and Noxians had their own games, but they tended to make fun of foreigners that tried to play with them, they kept telling Ahri that she was small and weak, and wouldn't last more than a few minutes, or something similarly nonsensical and blatantly wrong, but they never listened or let her try. Then there were the Zaunites, who didn't really have games per se, and Ahri preferred not to be around them, because they kept saying strange, creepy things about her tails and suggesting she participate in experiments, and although Ahri was still very new to this whole science thing, she was pretty sure she did not want to be experimented on, especially if experiments tended to end up looking like Mundo or Singed; she had a very pretty body, and she intended to keep it nice and take good care of it, not just give it away to some hextech revolution or other such nonsense. Piltover wasn't really much more reassuring; they kept telling her things like "it'll probably be boring for you" and "it's kind of hard to explain", and she was starting to believe that they probably just didn't want her in the way, as if that was all she ever did, was get in peoples' way. 

So that left her with Ionians, who took care of her, but she didn't really like many of them, and they didn't seem to especially like her either, although they never really talked about it, they were very nice and accommodating in general, as if she somehow wouldn't notice how tired they all got after dealing with her; she was here to participate in one of their festivals, one where they wore lovely, formal robes, with the folds and the tie around the waist and the really heavy oversize sleeves that hung from your wrists, and everyone had their hair done nice, so Ahri had braided hers because that was pretty much all she knew how to do with it anyway, and someone had made her a robe with a part in the back for her tails and everything, though she remembered when she asked them they'd kinda laughed at her? Like it was a joke, or something, and then they said "sure, honey", and something felt wrong about it, and she bristled and shook her head and kept moving. 

So yes, they had this festival with the nice robes, and you were supposed to be here with someone, or else you were supposed to be doing something useful, like running a food stall or setting up duels or participating in contests, and there were lots of Ionian staff and mages here, in pairs, walking around with their arms linked all cute-like - but she didn't see any Champions, so they must have all been doing something, except for her, obviously, because she never was really allowed to DO anything, but anyway: so she knew that Master Yi was probably doing some formal duel or another, and she expected that Wukong would probably be there too, and he was nice and she liked talking to him, since he kinda knew what it was like to be almost-but-not-quite human, but he was also pretty happy with what he was, and Ahri didn't really feel that way and she knew it was hard on him; and anyway he was probably busy, and she knew he liked to impress the others so she figured she should leave him alone, but she was alone other than that, and you weren't supposed to come alone, but she was sure there had to be SOME people here who were also alone? Maybe there were special things just for them to do; after all there were the food stalls where some people might come and just get food, since food by itself is fun and humans do like to eat (even more than they like to play, and they act like they don't, but they very obviously do, and how can you blame them when they have so much and so many different KINDS of food to eat), so maybe she would find loners there? But she looked around and didn't see anyone, although it smelled very very good and she couldn't help but want to try a few things, so she ventured over towards one of the tastier-smelling ones - it smelled like fish and sweets and bread? - and she thought about the rush of the wind in her hair and the prettiest sunset she'd ever seen and that one time she'd played in a lake with her new human body and had so much fun, and it helped her smile sincerely, and she held that smile in place and instinctively tried to brush her hair back, but it was already very nice so she just left it. 

"Hi," she said pleasantly, once one of the serving staff turned to her; they just looked like some of the staff representing Ionia that Ahri had met once or twice, she only vaguely remembered their faces, and even their smells, a little, although her nose was not nearly as good as it had been before the transformation, so she was getting used to knowing people by their faces and voices instead, and it was still kind of an adjustment. 

"Hi, Ahri," one of them said cheerfully, while the other worked on whatever food he was working on. Ahri couldn't help but watch out of the corner of her eye; it smelled a little like shrimp, but looked like big shrimp? She was still getting used to the names and smells and appearances of all the weird ocean-fish, since she didn't used to be able to eat them very much, so she wasn't totally sure whether it was shrimp or not, and she decided she should probably just ask. 

"What are you selling?" she asked.  
The girl's smile grew a little bit, and she gestured back at the fryer, as if Ahri hadn't seen it, which was a little silly since Ahri was sure she hadn't actually been watching with only the corner of her eye; she knew that she wasn't very good at containing herself when something interested her. "Tempura," she explained. "Deep fried shrimp, basically. Do you like shrimp?"

Ahri nodded. She was about to ask how much they were, because she did not have a whole lot of money, and she wanted to make good use of it! It was important to know how to spend your money, after all, or else you would wind up without any, and humans had a lot of problems if they had no money, so even though Ahri didn't usually have to buy her own food at the Institute, or really pay for much of anything, she wanted to be frugal because that was what humans did. So she started to ask - 

But the girl just handed her two sticks, on which were skewered several orange-puffy-fried shrimps. "For you, then," she said brightly. 

Ahri accepted them, a bit startled. "I - but - "

"Who are you at the festival with today?" she asked. "I gave you one for a friend but I don't see anyone else around waiting for you."

"I'm here by myself," Ahri said a bit slowly. Maybe she had been talking too fast, and she sounded like she was in a hurry, or worried, or impatient, and that was why the girl was being a little pushy? So now that she had said that, she started to hand one of the skewers back, but the girl looked kind of confused and she stopped. 

"Oh," the server said, sounding a little sad. "Well, maybe someone will go with you if you share!" 

But Ahri didn't really want to go with someone else, and that was part of why she was looking for other alone people - to be sure that she wasn't the only one! "Isn't it okay to be alone?" Again, she tried to talk slower so that she wouldn't seem upset or in a hurry. 

"Aren't you lonely?" the girl asked plaintively. Again, Ahri balked, because not only did this not really occur to her, but it seemed like the most baffling question possible, how could anyone be lonely here?

"No," she said, even more slowly, now trying to stall out her sentences, because maybe that would make the girl slow down and think a little, and respond to Ahri in ways that made sense instead of ignoring her feelings. "There are people everywhere."

Ahri had more to say about this, but must have been going too slow now, because the girl looked a little concerned and said "Well, that's a good way to look at it! We have a few people behind you that we need to help, so go on! Don't want to waste the whole evening staring at food!"

But why not? Ahri frowned at this. What if she just wanted to look at food? What if that was all that really interested her here? Would that be weird, would people think that was bad? She hadn't paid yet, but the girl was kind of staring at her expectantly with an awkward forced smile on, and Ahri felt very uncomfortable and unwanted, so she backed away, and someone behind her stepped forward, and now they were being served, and Ahri had been given two free things of food when she had wanted to pay money for one, and then pushed away before she could fix the situation at all, and this was just very much how things went with her, and she wondered why she felt so surprised and upset about it. 

 

The crowd was full of people dressed very nice, and wearing their festival robes (they had a name? Yukata?) and walking arm in arm with other people. Finding any individual person would be challenging with so many people here, but Ahri liked challenges, and this one was especially fun, since she couldn't use her normal talents for this; normally she could smell someone out of a crowd, but of course her nose was not nearly as good anymore, and besides that she was too distracted with all of the lovely smells of food everywhere in the room, so that wouldn't work, she would just have to rely on her vision like humans were supposed to do, and that would be good training for the future. 

She knew exactly who she wanted to find, and she had a few ideas as to where that person might be; she made her way towards the stages, where she knew the duels and dances and other things would take place, and she looked around through those areas hoping to see Karma there, because Karma was probably one of the nicest humans Ahri had met at the Institute, and she would probably help Ahri fix things, or at least take this spare tempura off of her hands, and then she could move on with her day, and not mope about how she was being disrespected, again. But she caught Karma's flowery-rainy scent all of a sudden and whirled around as she heard Karma calling her name, and of course Karma would spot her first, it was much easier to see Ahri what with how big and fluffy her tails were. So she smiled and darted over and immediately presented Karma with one of her skewers of fried shrimp. 

"For you!" Ahri said cheerfully, because she liked to be cheerful, and it made Karma laugh, and she liked to make people laugh, too, because it was nice to laugh and it made Ahri feel like she belonged. And sure enough, Karma laughed and accepted it, and smiled broadly to Ahri. 

"You look so lovely, Ahri!" Karma's voice was much slower and more gentle than Ahri's, and also a bit lower pitched, which had been strange at first, but Ahri had come to like it very much; it was different and new, and made her more fun to listen to than other girls, whose voices sometimes were so high that they were kind of annoying, although that was not very common in Ionia, where most of the girls were elegant and full of presence, like Karma was, but less so.

"Thank you!" Ahri knew it was proper to thank someone for giving a compliment, even if you already knew what they were going to say, even if you didn't really believe it or care about it, it was just the nice thing to do, since they were being nice to you, after all. "I had someone make a yukata for me for the festival today. I think it's lovely. That is what they're called, right?"

"Yes, that's right," Karma confirmed with a nod. "But you're alone today, it seems. That won't do, will it? This is a couples festival, after all."

Ahri bristled at this, she had kind of hoped to avoid this, and she had expected that Karma would know that Ahri did not have someone to be a couple with, and that was something else she really did not want to talk or think about, and she really hoped that Karma would not press about it, because then she would get really upset. "I just thought I would come look at things," Ahri said, after a bit of thinking, deciding that maybe this would not sound confrontational, and would tell Karma that she was just here to enjoy the festival and learn about it, because Karma should know by now that Ahri loved to learn things about humans, but Ahri was never really sure that Karma understood, or maybe that she even cared; but that was depressing talk, and she didn't need to think such depressing things about a nice lady like Karma, who was always so happy to give advice and answer questions for Ahri, even if her advice wasn't really what Ahri wanted, or if her answers didn't really mean the things Ahri was asking about. 

But Karma tutted sadly and looked around, and Ahri realized that she was surrounded by a number of other officials, who were all dressed a little differently, like Karma was, and Ahri wondered if maybe they were going to do some kind of a meditation performance or practice, or something like that, related to Karma's passion about meditation and introspection and all, and Ahri wondered if she had interrupted anything and became worried, but then remembered that Karma was the one that had called out her name, so it was probably fine. "Taline," Karma called, and a small cute young lady dressed like Karma in her not-yukata scurried up and waved to Ahri, and Ahri smiled and waved back, since she was cute, and she enjoyed cute things. 

"Taline, Ahri needs a partner to take her around the festival," Karma said, and Ahri's eyes widened, because this was not what she had expected or wanted at all, and she didn't know why Karma would jump to conclusions like this, but before she could say anything Taline's cute eyes got so big and happy and Ahri realized maybe this was a special trick, where Taline was really the one that needed a companion, and Ahri would be helping her have a good time, and she felt a little better about that, but if that was the case why didn't Karma ask her? Because that would have been polite, and Karma was usually very polite, and that confused Ahri and she became worried again, and didn't know what to think. 

"Do you think you could take the lead for her?" Karma added, with an odd like smugness as if this were a joke, and Ahri's heart sank a little at it, because it felt like the joke was that Ahri didn't know what was going on, which was kind of true, and Ahri supposed that it wasn't bad to have someone show her around, since she wanted to learn after all, so maybe that wasn't a bad thing to be joked about? But then she wasn't sure what she was upset about, and she tried to cheer herself up and smile for Taline, who was cute, and would be her friend for the day, and she had to admit to being excited about having a friend for the day, since she usually didn't have one. 

"Well, it's a little out of form for me to take a girl," Taline said, and she had a bit of a higher pitched voice than Karma, but Ahri decided it was a nice voice, and she realized this was kind of a joke, so she giggled a little, even though it wasn't really funny, since Ahri didn't see any reason for it to be weird for two girls to be friends at a festival, even if it turned out to be a more romantic thing than Ahri had expected, although she supposed that might be awkward. "But yes, I'd love to!"

"Okay," Ahri said, "thank you!" She looked down at her little skewer of tempura, and realized that this was maybe a bit of a mistake, as she had given Karma her spare, and now she just awkwardly had one, but didn't have one to share with her date, so she picked one of the morsels off of the top and offered it to Taline with a hopeful smile, and said, "I only have this one, now, but we can share it, right?"

"That's sweet of you," Taline said, although her voice wasn't quite as cheerful, and Ahri wondered if maybe this was strange or upsetting, but Taline took the tempura and started to nibble on it, and Ahri decided she must just be overthinking it; after all she'd only just met Taline, and it wasn't good to make assumptions about people you don't know, and there was no use in stressing out over her, because they were date-friends now, and if something was wrong with Taline, she would definitely say something to Ahri, so Ahri could help make it right, and they would both have a good time that way. That was what humans did when they dated, because they respected and cared about each other, and so she knew that... she could definitely... count on Taline, to make sure she knew, if something was wrong. 

 

...she couldn't hope for that at all, could she?

 

Taline was a nice friend and guide, but she was kind of slow, a lot like most humans, and Ahri was learning to be okay with it, by just looking around and keeping herself busy, but in this case she was supposed to be taking care of Taline, who was so excited to have a friend to go to the festival with, so that must have meant she was hoping to go with someone and couldn't, and that made Ahri glad to have been able to help; but the more she thought about it the more it worried her, because she really wanted to believe that that was what Karma had intended - because it would imply that Karma thought Ahri could help, and she had never been asked to help with anything before, and she expected Karma would have wanted to ask her if she could help first, and instead Karma had asked Taline, because Taline was doing the helping, even though Ahri didn't need help with anything at all. It was very confusing and distressing, and made it hard to have fun, because she wasn't sure if she should be taking care of Taline or just enjoying the festival on her own terms, but she couldn't run off like she wanted, that would be very rude and poor Taline would be alone again, and it wasn't like she didn't like Taline at all, even though she was quiet and a little shy, and Ahri thought maybe she had a crush on Ahri, which was cute and sweet but also made Ahri uncomfortable in a different way, because she hadn't really tried anything romantic since she had left Ionia, and before that time... well, she didn't like to think about it, it made her heart sting and her throat feel tight, and people would notice and ask her what was wrong, even though she tried to keep smiling and stay positive, and she suspected it must have been her damn tails betraying her again, what with the way they would droop and drag when she was sad, and as she thought about it she realized they were dragging along right now and she hastily lifted them up and waved them around, but they had a mind of their own and she couldn't focus on keeping them upright and also talk to Taline and also see the festival, and it weighed on her to realize that she wasn't actually having fun, because she was surrounded by so many interesting and fun things, and she wanted to be having fun because she was pretty sure Taline would have fun that way, too. 

She remembered that she had hoped that maybe Taline would tell her if something was wrong, and she decided that if she wanted to believe in that, she had to demonstrate that it worked both ways; and as she thought about this, she realized that if Taline saw this as her job to take care of Ahri, then it wouldn't really work, but either way it was better to say something than to just wallow and mope, and Ahri did not like to think of herself as someone that would mope anyway, because mopers looked so lame and sad all the time, and she liked to be happy and energetic. 

"Hey, Taline," she said, when they were moving between stages; Taline looked up with an affirmative sound, watching her expectantly, and Ahri looked away a little nervously. "Um... Since we're together, if something is wrong we should tell each other, right?" 

"Is something wrong?" Taline sounded concerned, and put a hand on Ahri's arm to slow her down, and they moved a little out of the way where people could walk by them easily while Ahri still looked around; there was an awful lot to look at pretty much everywhere she turned, so that made it a little hard to focus, but Ahri did her best. 

"Well," Ahri began, "I've just been thinking a lot about what Karma said, and I wanted to ask if you..." How did she want to phrase this, that would sound good, and not like Taline was getting in the way, or like Ahri was angry at her? Maybe she should just be blunt? "If you were only doing this because you thought I had to have someone with me, I guess," she finished a little lamely, and she frowned, because that didn't really come out the way she had wanted, but it was going to have to do, too late to go back now. 

"I'm really happy to show you around," Taline said cheerfully. "You don't have to worry!"

But Ahri frowned more, and stamped her foot, very quietly, and Taline faltered a little, and Ahri was glad to have her attention, maybe this time Taline would listen. "No, that's not what I mean," she said more firmly. "I like being with you too, but I'm worried that you and Karma think I have to have someone with me for some reason."

"It's a couples festival!" Taline protested. "If you're not part of the activities..." 

"Why do I HAVE to be with a couple?" Ahri folded her arms, but tried to look more interested instead of upset, because this was helpful and going somewhere. 

"It's just tradition," Taline said, shrugging, but she looked a little hurt, and Ahri realized she was implying she didn't want to be a couple with Taline, which was technically true but not in the way she had made it sound, and now she was worried, and she sighed. 

"I just wish Karma would ask me before she did things like this," Ahri muttered. 

"Why do you want to be here alone?" Taline asked quietly. "Doesn't it seem more fun to have someone to share with?" 

This was a hard question to answer, not because Ahri didn't know, but because she would have to avoid sounding angry, because people didn't seem to understand why she was angry about this, and it was distressing and bothersome both at once, but she couldn't really help it; so she didn't want to upset Taline, because she wouldn't be able to explain what she had really meant afterward, and Taline would just be sad for nothing. She took a deep breath, and drummed her fingers on her arm, and her tails curled around restlessly. 

 

"I've never met anyone I can actually share anything with," Ahri said, at last. "Everyone always acts like I have to be monitored and taken care of. When Karma saw me alone, the first thing she did was assign someone to chaperone me. She didn't ask if I was lonely. She didn't ask if I would be okay with having someone else around."

"Karma can be a little too sure of herself sometimes," Taline said hastily, raising her hands defensively, and Ahri sighed because that probably meant she had sounded too upset and now Taline would be sad. "And, you know, she's the kind of mothering type to take care of everyone. It's not just you that feels this way."

But it's not just Karma that treats me like this, Ahri wanted to say, but she didn't, because she was too happy to have someone talk back to her about this at all. It sounded like Taline maybe understood, even if only a little bit, and that idea was such a relief to Ahri that she couldn't stay upset at all, and she just smiled and hugged Taline and sighed happily and said "Thank you, for reassuring me." And Taline hugged her back, and she giggled a little and let go after a moment, and Taline was blushing all sweet-like.

"I don't see why people would think you have to be taken care of," Taline sighed, also sounding relieved, which made Ahri feel better. "Aren't foxes usually really self-sufficient?"

 

Ahri froze. 

 

"Aren't people usually very self-sufficient?" she said. Her mind and heart were empty. 

"I guess," Taline said, shrugging. "I dunno, I just don't know very much about your kind, since you're the only one we've ever met!"

 

My kind. 

 

"Please don't talk about that," Ahri said. She felt chilled. Taline looked confused. 

"Oh," she gasped. "Sorry, I just thought - is there bad history there? Is that why you couldn't bring one of them with you?"

"I - " What did she say? What could she say to this? She backed away, horrified, realizing the depth of the illusion Taline existed in, realizing just how wrong and out of place she was, hearing again the laughter of the lady who'd made her a yukata, the dismissal of the couple running the tempura stand, remembering Taline's innocent and curious wonder at the idea that she could show _another species_ around the festival, like some sort of ambassadorial mission, as though Ahri had some other village filled with not-humans like her, to go home and answer to, to identify with. What could she say to this? 

She looked around. People were looking at her, but not because she was upset, they were just glancing, staring sometimes, because she was _other_ , and she had worked so hard to feel okay with that, that she might never be completely human, not completely normal, that she might always be a little bit alien, but now she watched them and she saw the wonder in their eyes, the distance they put themselves at, as though she were behind a glass wall, to be observed and not touched, never truly spoken to, only interacted with in a superficial way, to be entertained, and to entertain you, before moving on, leaving Ahri in her mental enclosure, alone and unwanted, the monster in the circus. 

What could she say? She tried to speak but couldn't move her lips, or her throat, and she felt lightheaded and the room swam and felt dark, and she couldn't breathe...

She tore off her yukata and threw it aside and snarled at it, how dare you, I hate you, you mock me, and all who see me mock me, because you are fake, false, burn and die and be forgotten, and Taline tried to grab at her but she blurred into fire and dashed away. And away. A fox is good at escaping, and that was all she was after all, no matter what she pretended, no matter what she hoped for, she was just a fox, hiding and pretending and then running away. 

The pretending was over, so she ran, and she hid outside in the snow, and she cried. 

 

It was too cold for moping, and Ahri did not like to think of herself as someone that moped, or gave up, or anything like that, so she picked herself up and moved around, though she didn't have anywhere to go, because she couldn't go back into the Ionian building and face them again, Taline would be so sad and confused, and Karma would definitely be angry, and she just didn't really have the strength to deal with that right now; she would wind up getting upset again and maybe yelling at Karma, and that would be bad, and Karma didn't really deserve it after all, she was always just trying to take care of Ahri, and be a good friend and mentor. It wasn't Karma's fault that Ahri didn't want a mentor; maybe it was her fault that she just decided to assume Ahri wanted that, but it was too far gone now for anything to be done about it, and she was the closest thing to a human friend Ahri really had, and Ahri valued that a lot even though Karma made her so upset, so she supposed she would have to go in and face Karma eventually, just for the sake of their friendship, such as it was, or else Ahri would just wind up with nothing at all, and that would be even worse.

But she couldn't bring herself to do it yet, so she wandered around in the snow, trying to cheer herself up with it, since she did like snow so much, and such gentle and peaceful snowfall was very rare at home, and she'd been led to believe that really it was rare outside of the Institute at all, and other city-states with nice techmaturgy, since they had environment control systems that prevented the storms from entering, so the weather would always be at least safe, although the magical storms were sometimes strong enough to break through at least a little, and Ahri remembered the morning after a blizzard she'd run out into the snow and made snowmen and snow angels and ran around into the drifts just enjoying herself in general, and she smiled a little at the memory and kicked at the snow beneath her feet; there were a few inches there, enough to play with, but she didn't feel very playful just then, and memories of playing in winters past would have to do for the moment. 

She heard some commotion ahead of her but couldn't see through the trees, the gardens around the institute were all tangled and it reminded Ahri very much of her old home, from when she was not a human, but she still loved the gardens and spent a lot of time in them, because it was a nice environment for running and playing and exercising, which were all things she knew she had to do often to keep her body looking nice, and besides she was often very bored, and running and playing were things that she had always done all her life to stay entertained, and although she knew most humans didn't do it the same way she did, she hoped that it wasn't too strange or unusual, since humans were such a varied sort anyway, and maybe it would be okay that she liked to go out and run around in the woods a lot, climbing trees and swinging from them and swimming in rivers and all of that sort of thing, so this was very much her safe place to be, as no one could move through the woods as fast as she could, so she decided that she should see what was going on but without leaving her cover, even though she knew there was no danger or anything, it was just a tiny little game, and that cheered her up very slightly, even though she knew humans didn't play this kind of game, she couldn't help that she wasn't really all the way there yet, and she had to be okay with it, you have to be okay with it, Ahri, there is nothing else you can do, don't cry, explore and enjoy what is happening around you, and your life will be worth it no matter what you are. 

You can tell when you're in the woods where the trees end, because there's a wall of light at the edge of the forest, where suddenly it goes from being full of shadow to full on sunlight, or moonlight if it's at night, and if your eyes are very good you can even see it with starlight, and Ahri liked starlight the best, even though it was the darkest and dimmest. So, Ahri was able to find the edge of the forest and sneak up to the border, and poke her head out of a bush to see what was going on. There was a wide field before her, and a number of warmly dressed staff were gathered around a bunch of pavilions, and she immediately saw several champions out there as well, Darius and Garen and Tryndamere - big beef men, and she smirked just seeing them all in the same place, was this maybe some kind of a weight lifting competition, or something silly? - and Sejuani and Riven, and those were more interesting, and Ahri especially focused on Riven because she was kind of off on her own, rolling her shoulders and stretching, and she didn't look anywhere near as warmly dressed as anyone else, just wearing her wanderer's wrappings with just one coat, where the others all had layered fur coats and even Tryndamere at least had something over his shoulders, Riven looked very out of place in the snow, but she didn't really look uncomfortable at all, she mostly just looked very tired. 

Ahri's nose was not anywhere near as good as it had been when she was really just a fox, but her hearing was still very good, since she still had foxy ears, so she pointed them towards the field and listened close. It sounded like they were getting ready to go somewhere; she heard lots of talk about what the conditions would be like, and it sounded like they would be very bad, but they weren't worried at all about the impending blizzard, in fact they sounded rather boastful about it, and Ahri realized this must be some kind of contest, and she knew contests were supposed to he open to anyone, so she decided she was going to come out and play, and she advanced from the trees to ask about it. She bundled her tails up and clasped her hands over her chest, because this was a nervous pose, and she was a little nervous, and she decided she didn't want to talk to any of the champions, as she wasn't really friends with any of them, so she went up to one of the staff instead; she had warm fluffy robes with fur around the collar and a clasp over a shawl, and Ahri guessed she was probably Freljordian, based on the scruffiness of her hair and the bushiness of her eyebrows. "Hi," she said, waving a little, "um, what is this?" 

"We're starting the Frostbound March," the woman boasted, in a loud and proud voice, gesturing towards the forest behind them, where Ahri realized the champions kept looking. She knew that she shouldn't go out that way; the forest was thick and the techmaturgical barrier didn't go out very far, so during winter, it was very dangerous if you weren't prepared for the cold. "The toughest of the tough test themselves against Runeterra's winter."

Ahri blinked. "That sounds dangerous," she said, but she used her wonder voice, because she knew that was the point, and she wanted to know more. 

"It's very dangerous," the woman agreed with a toothy grin. "Back home in the Freljord, if you survive, you win! No help, no rules, just get to the end, ten miles from where you started. But here the Institute is more forgiving. Whoever gets to the end first wins, and they go in and drag everyone else out." 

"Oh." Ahri nodded, and looked up out of curiosity, but before she could see much she realized Darius was watching her nearby and she quickly looked back at the Freljordian lady. "It sounds fun," she agreed, smiling brightly. "Could I try?"

"You?" the woman laughed, leaning forward, but Ahri bared her teeth and flared her tails and clenched her fists, looking big and scary, and the lady just laughed again and straightened. "No offense, you just don't look like the type, is all," she clarified, and Ahri felt a little better about it. 

"I love snow, and I grew up in the forests of Ionia," Ahri said, folding her arms. "I never had protection from the winters growing up. This sounds like a simple matter to me." 

"You think the little snowstorms in Ionia compare to Valoran's winters?" Ahri flinched, looking over the girl's shoulder - Darius was standing there, grinning wickedly with a strange anger in his eyes, as if affronted that Ahri would even be here, and she stood her ground with her tails flared out again, angry that he would act that way to her, not as if he cared. "You don't look like you'd survive more than a few hours outside the barrier."

"I'm no stranger to staying warm in harsh winters," Ahri said again, growling now, her arms folded more tightly,.

"This isn't a pleasant walk around the grounds," Darius sneered, waving his hand dismissively. "Save yourself the embarrassment, assuming you wouldn't freeze to death in the first night."

"Hey." 

 

Everyone looked to Ahri's right, where the voice had come from, including Ahri, and her ears perked curiously as the voice had been so quiet it was hard to hear, but Riven was glaring at Darius, sitting on the ground all by herself, going through a pack of supplies in her lap. 

"She wants to march, let her," Riven said, levelly. "It's not your business."

Ahri had never heard anyone defend her like that, and she felt a little confused about it, since Riven really didn't have any reason to act like this - 

"Don't push your luck, Exile," Darius snarled, pointing a finger at her. "You almost weren't allowed to participate this year, and now you're going to bend the rules for everyone else?"

Riven just raised her eyebrows. 

"The winter isn't the only threat out there," the Noxian general growled, now turning back to Ahri, who watched him stiffly. "It won't show you any mercy, and neither will I." 

He turned and stomped back towards wherever he had been before, and Ahri bristled and hissed to herself, and the Freljordian lady laughed. "How about this," she said, "just to spite Darius, we'll let you play." 

"Oh! Really?!" Ahri beamed, ecstatic, her frustration pushed aside, because this was new to her, she wasn't usually allowed to play things, and even though this seemed more like a little joke to the lady, she was going to have as much fun with it as she could. "Thank you so much!" 

"You've only got an hour or so to come up with whatever supplies you think you'll need," she warned, "or else the others will get impatient with the delay. We're supposed to start in a few minutes."

But Ahri shook her head. "I don't need anything," she said, and she meant it, because this whole surviving in the woods thing was difficult, but not nearly as hard as humans seemed to make it out to be; after all animals had to do it by themselves all the time, and they weren't as smart as Ahri, although they obviously were very smart, and Ahri had a lot of experience living out in the wild on her own, even in her new fancy human body, and she was sure it would be fine, because what good is an animal or former-animal if you aren't any good at surviving in your own habitat? Besides, she had all of this wonderful magic now, and she wondered if they realized how easy magic made things, as long as you could rely on it.

"You're sure?" Ahri nodded firmly. "Alright, then, we'll start in about ten minutes." 

 

The lady went back to preparing, though Ahri didn't know exactly what still had to be done, but that was okay, because Ahri herself had to get ready! She needed a flat, open patch of snow, and the only place like that where people weren't bustling around and chatting was near Riven, so she went to go stand with Riven and fluffed out her outfit a bit and began to stretch, focusing mostly on her legs, which she knew would need to move a lot and very fast, and they were already pretty limber but it was always good to stretch out before a run or a hunt so you don't cramp up and fall over and hurt yourself. 

She noticed, very quickly, that Riven was watching her, and the girl had a bit of an amused expression on, but Ahri tried not to look at her, because it was kind of upsetting, but then again she didn't know what else she expected, because she never really could do anything right around humans, and maybe she really should just give up on being normal, or even anything close to normal at all, maybe she should just let people laugh at her, and try to laugh with them. "It's a race, isn't it?" she said, to no one in particular, though she knew she was talking to Riven, but she wanted to pretend she wasn't.

"It usually takes several days to finish," Riven said, her voice very soft and low, a lot like Karma's but rougher and much quieter, kind of like Yasuo, though she had only ever talked to Yasuo once and she wasn't supposed to say anything about it, because he might have gotten in trouble if the others found out he had been near the Institute. "You get your advantage by endurance, not speed." 

"Oh?" Ahri straightened a bit, watching Riven and stretching her arms behind her back instead. Her tails were stiffly waving around too in their own odd version of stretching, but they didn't have to do very much, so it didn't really matter. 

"Yeah." Riven nodded. "First person to fall asleep every day is the person who falls behind the most. First person to wake up in the morning is the person that makes the most progress the next day."

Ahri nodded thoughtfully, humming to herself, very interested in this, and very happy that Riven would share. "You've done this before, then?"

"Every year since I came here," Riven agreed with a sigh, gathering her things together and snapping up her pack. "It's nice to just be out in the snow alone for a few days, and to have some challenge to think about that isn't actively trying to kill you." 

"Yeah!" Ahri grinned. "I agree! It sounds like a lot of fun." She thought it was maybe a little odd that she had played every year, but Darius said she almost couldn't play this year, and Ahri wondered if the rules had changed or something.

"Fun, huh." Riven looked up at her, flashing a small, bitter smile, and Ahri faltered seeing it, because it looked very sad, not happy at all, and Ahri didn't like that, but she wasn't sure what she could have done different to make Riven happier, or if it really mattered, since Riven wasn't really her friend. "It's good you're doing it for fun," Riven added, a little more loudly, pushing herself up with a soft groan. "Everyone else makes such a big deal out of it, about national pride or something. None of them do it right. They're trying to be the toughest, like they have something to prove." 

She trailed off, and shrugged, as if she didn't think Ahri was interested, and Ahri furrowed her brows, and kept going for her: "Nature doesn't care about what you want to prove," she said, matter-of-factly, and she saw Riven smile a little more, although it was an odd smug smile, and still not a happy one, but Ahri liked it more anyway, it looked more fierce and confident. 

"That's right," Riven agreed, with a sigh. "You grew up out in Ionian forests, huh? They have tough winters there?"

"Often, yes," Ahri agreed. "Sometimes snowstorms would blow over trees. It was much more frightening when I was a small fox, but it must still be very dangerous there."

"I imagine." Riven nodded sagely. Ahri realized she was having a conversation, a friendly nice conversation, not one where she was being told what to do or taught some lesson, but just talking with someone, saying things that the other would find interesting. Riven meanwhile slung her pack over her shoulder. "Noxian winters weren't usually that bad, since we could just stay inside. Can't imagine what it would be like to live out here."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but it's mostly a lot of burrowing," Ahri murmured, and Riven laughed, sincerely, and Ahri smiled a little sheepishly, surprised, but very happy, and thought that this had been a very good idea. Riven didn't seem to have anything to say to that, though, so Ahri went back to stretching.

 

"Did she tell you where we were going?" Riven asked, after a moment. 

Ahri looked up, a bit surprised, and her ears instinctively started scanning the area, trying to pick up any hints about their destination. "No," she said, in the meantime. "I thought it would be marked."

"Heh, yeah, right." Riven rolled her eyes. "Figures they wouldn't tell you. I dunno if they just expect you to know or don't care." Ahri's tails drooped a bit, as she thought about it, because it sounded more likely to her that they just thought it would be funny if she got lost, because obviously she doesn't know anything, look at this silly fox thinking she is a human, and can do human games with us. "You know where Trident Hill is?" Riven continued.

"Oh! Yes!" Ahri smiled and nodded, but she wasn't sure her smile was as honest as she wanted it to look, but too late to worry about that now. "Is that where?"

Riven nodded slowly. Ahri thought about the hill. It was nearby, yes, maybe a few hours' walk to the base in good weather, but this was far from good weather; Ahri could barely see the sky well enough to guess, but she was sure that storms were coming, and she'd get a better feel for it once she was back in the woods where she could interact with the trees and watch the animals and understand how they were acting, since they still had senses that Ahri's new body didn't have, for that sort of storm-predicting thing, but even if it was just snowy, there were woods, and then open plains, and then lots of climbing with sheer ledges from this direction, and there was a river you had to either cross or go around as well, and in this weather it was basically impossible to go around the river, but it was extra dangerous to try to ford it, too, and Ahri couldn't remember if there even was a good place to do that, since she hadn't gone out that far very many times before, and all in all it seemed like a very very dangerous trip. 

She realized Riven was watching her with a strange sadistic glee, and Riven nodded with emphasis as Ahri's concern bloomed on her face. "Yeah. Real dangerous march this year. It's usually pretty bad, but especially with the storms the Seers are predicting early on, it's going to be especially tough."

"I can do it," Ahri said firmly, folding her arms.

"No shame in hunkering down and just staying alive if you have to," Riven said, shrugging. "But you don't seem like the kind of girl to give up on things."

No one had ever told Ahri that before, and she smiled a little, because Riven was right, and she was happy Riven had noticed. 

"Looks like we're getting ready to start," she added, nodding behind Ahri, and she turned to see that the other Champions had also shouldered their own packs, and were advancing towards the tree line. Ahri squeaked and shuffled over, and Riven followed along behind; everyone grouped up at an invisible line, standing and looking at each other and into the forest; Garen and Darius snarled at each other and Sejuani shouted something mean to Tryndamere who just laughed back, and Riven patted Ahri's shoulder and Ahri turned surprised to look at her, and Riven smirked and said, "Have fun." 

"At the sound of the gong, the March will begin," the big proud lady cried, and Ahri hunkered down, one leg straight back and her hands firmly planted ahead of her, ready to push herself forward, a pose she had seen some people use just before they were about to start running, and it made sense because you were resting in a running pose anyway, so you didn't have to awkwardly shift your weight around, you could just thrust forward immediately, and she scanned the tree line for the best place to go, how she could get up higher, because it was easier to run through the upper boughs than the undergrowth because there was less snow and if you found the right height there weren't as many branches in your way, you just had to be very fast and agile, and Ahri was _very_ fast and agile...

...one of the boys was chuckling at her, but she ignored it, she just kept looking at the trees, growling to herself, and she heard someone move next to her and she looked slowly and saw that Riven had also shifted into something like a ready running stance, and she looked up perplexed, and Riven grinned back. "It's a race, isn't it?" 

Ahri nodded. "You won't be able to keep up with me."

"Probably not," Riven agreed, "but will you last as long as me?" 

Before either of them could say anything else, or before anyone could make fun of them, the gong sounded with a crash, and Ahri grinned and dashed forward, clearing the distance into the trees in one grand jump, and within seconds she was off the ground, and then she was dashing through the branches and boughs, carefully but swiftly picking her path several trees ahead, her tails waving back and forth happily to kick away any snow that she knocked down onto them. She dashed and pranced and ran, and laughed to herself, remembering how much fun it had been to do this when she was even smaller and could move even faster, when it was easier to pick a path through the branches, and when you could burrow under roots and bushes, then slide around through your own burrows later, especially when it was frozen like this, and she remembered climbing to the tops of trees in the snow and looking around at how beautiful the canopy was. In this moment, she felt so purely and innocently happy that she committed it to memory, and hoped that later when she was sad, or nervous, she could remember this moment, when she was playing with someone that might even be a friend, and running happily through the snow, racing the humans, because they had let her play their game, and she could show them how wonderful and powerful and proud she was. 

 

The snowstorm hit her like a wall. 

It was very sudden, when the barrier ended - all at once there was a howling wind, not strong enough to knock her over but mostly enough to be startling and to whip her hair around a little and to create a whistling in the trees, and the snow kicked up and made it much harder to see; she ran on for a little while longer, but quickly dropped down into the underbrush again, because it was better to stay under cover than to go fast, and she immediately knew what Riven meant when she said that endurance was more important than speed, though she had definitely understood at the time, too. Either way, now was the time to go more carefully and to pay attention to how warm she was, and she should also worry about what she was going to eat, and where she was going to sleep, and...

...this was immediately very boring, and she couldn't help but laugh about it, but she knew that it must feel so very novel to humans, who did not have to worry about these things very often in their comfy well-organized lives. She hesitated for a bit, huddled behind the trunk of a tree, where the wind wasn't as bad and the snow couldn't get to her, and watched the area around for a few moments, and sniffed curiously; she could smell that there were animals nearby, but they had burrowed, but she saw that some of them were coming out of the ground, and that meant to her that the snow wasn't as bad as it had been, or that it was declining, and that it was probably safe for her to keep going for a little while. Her skin was very chilled and hurt a bit, but she focused on the power in her spirit, and little fox-flames ran along her body, like a little aura, the prelude to a spirit dash, and it warmed her up a little. This was her most important technique for keeping her human body warm, she had done it a few times before, and although it didn't feel much warmer, it kept her hands and feet from going numb and that was very important for moving around and being safe and alert, and as long as she kept her spirit happy, she'd have enough power to stave off the chill.

Good! Next, she needed to find food, and this was trickier, but she knew that she could hunt and kill things very easily if she wanted, because even though they weren't human spirits, animals still had spirits that Ahri could drain away, and she could use her foxfire to cook if she wanted since her body didn't handle raw meat as well as it had used to, not that she had ever preferred that, but she also knew there were a few crazy plants that bore fruit in the winter, because it was their way of staying warm, and the humans called them winterfruit or wintersweets, and she expected she could find some as she went if she was watchful and the snow didn't get too bad. 

She trudged on for a bit, testing out how bad the snow was, and it wasn't too bad with her little fire aura, so she walked a little more confidently, looking around curiously, trying to figure out how far in she had gotten, because she didn't really know where the barrier was. But it couldn't have been very far, so after a few more moments of becoming comfortable with the storm, she started to move faster, then to jog, and then to run again, and once she was running, and she felt her heart pounding, her blood flowing, she felt warm again, and she ran on and on and on, and dared the others to catch her, because she was back in her home now, and would not be outdone. 

 

Even so, after a while, she got bored, and the storm continued to lessen as time went on, and Ahri knew that if it was just a race through the woods no one could ever beat her, and that made it hard to take it seriously, and it wasn't like she really cared that much if she won anyway; winning would be nice, to prove that she knew what she was doing, but that wasn't the only way to show off, and after being laughed at and disrespected and told she would die (?????), she was feeling like doing a lot more than just winning. She grumped just thinking about Darius' condescending attitude, as if he somehow owned the winter - he's never lived in it, not the way Ahri had, and Ahri knew exactly how to survive and how to move through the storms, and she didn't doubt that with all of his furs and the food he was bringing along with him and a big comfy bedroll to sleep in, he would be totally fine, but to somehow assume that Ahri wouldn't be able to manage, even if she had all of those things, it just didn't make any sense. 

But that wasn't new for Noxians, they did a lot of things that Ahri didn't understand, and there was nothing that bothered Ahri as much as not understanding humans, even though she reveled in how strange and mysterious and unique they could all be, because it gave her hope that she could be her own different brand of human, a special human with ears and tails that reminded her of an unhappy past she had overcome, she liked that, and she liked to believe that she didn't have to be perfect or normal, or to make sense to other people, but it was hard to be convinced of that when other people laughing at you hurts so much, and although she could build herself up all she liked when she was alone, and although she got so much encouragement from Wukong, who said that being a human wasn't very special and that Ahri was wonderful for being Ahri, he was such a sweet nice person and she was very happy to know him, but when you're in the moment, excited to be normal and to do normal things and humans just scoff and laugh and push you aside, it hurts in a way that nice words can't fix, it hurts in a way that breaks your hopes like glass, and you try to cobble them together again but you just cut your hands and look foolish. 

And then there were the Noxians, who were a whole different kind of unusual, where Ahri was strange in a way that made people laugh and ignore her, Noxians were strange in a way that made people hate and fear them, but Ahri wondered if that would be so bad, because at least that was a reaction, at least there was respect there, and Ahri longed to be respected. What kind of idiot human would ever turn down free food at a festival? She knew even Wukong would find that very weird, and Ahri didn't know how to explain that, but she had just desperately wanted to be normal and to do a normal human thing, and instead of being allowed to do that, her intent and desire was assumed, and she was given a gift she didn't want, without anyone asking her what she actually wanted, and she wished they had just looked afraid of her, because then she could impress them, and she could do her human thing and be done with it, and she was sure she would be just as lonely that way, but it would be better at least, she wouldn't be questioning who and what she was supposed to be, or whether this whole magic body thing was really just an awful cosmic joke. 

...No, Ahri, you can't think like that, because this body is all you have now, and without it, there's... there's nothing. 

She stopped and leaned up against a tree, breathing raggedly, her tails curling around her protectively, both hiding her and sheltering her from the cold. Calm down, Ahri...

Where... where was she? Noxians. Right, she had been thinking about Noxians. 

So, Noxians were feared and hated, because they seemed to just like to kill people, and everyone acted like that was all there was to it, but it didn't make sense to Ahri at all. She had been there for the invasion, she had learned that that was when she'd transformed, and she kept seeing Noxian soldiers running around destroying buildings and villages and even just the land itself, and she never really understood why, and even though they yelled and sneered and growled at her when she had fought them, she had noticed that they always looked so tired, very much like how Riven had looked before, she had just looked so tired as though everything was exhausting and pointless, and that was the face the Noxians made when they finished their work, they looked over a village with a sadness in their eyes that made Ahri wonder why they had done it, and she asked Karma about it constantly because it bothered her, there were many humans she had cared for very dearly (even though she had never met them, because she was too afraid, and she was sure they would curse her for being a halfbreed, because that was how people treated her, and it stung at her heart, but sometimes she wondered if she would rather just pretend that was what she was), and if they just hated those humans that was fine, she understood, but that wasn't what she felt like had happened, they weren't happy, they didn't revel in the killing, they had just looked drained and exhausted, and then she came overseas and met the other Noxians who were so proud and boastful and full of themselves and their bloodshed, and she wanted so badly to understand why, what was it that they thought was so glorious, because when she had met those soldiers and watched them work, they didn't look proud, they didn't look boastful, they didn't look glorious, and until she knew why that was what they had wanted, she would always be sad and confused, she wouldn't ever be able to think of that village she used to live near and watch from the shadows, she used to observe the humans living in it and how cute they were, how fun their relationships looked, just because it was something to do, even if it was dramatic or sometimes tense or sometimes peoples' hearts got broken, Ahri wished she could have been a part of it, so she could comfort the girls that were sad, and sashay around and tease the boys, and dance their ceremonial dances and sing their ceremonial songs, and learn to farm, and fight, and cook, and...

...then one day, it had been a smoldering ruin surrounded by sad-looking Noxian soldiers, who walked around tiredly trying to find the screaming Ionians that Ahri had been watching, and she had known all of their names, and she had known most of their lives' affairs, and nothing mattered now, they were destroyed, crumbled, under the gaze of these pathetic, passionless soldiers, and why? Why would you do something like that? She wanted to ask them. She wanted, so badly, to ask them. 

There was a Noxian in this forest. Maybe if she hunted him down, she could ask him, and she could make fun of him, and taunt him for how slow he was, because Ahri was so fast, there was no way she was behind. She climbed into the nearest tree, which happened to be fairly tall, and though she could climb very fast she felt kind of weak and very, very cold, so she moved slow, and tried not to slip from the wind and the snow, until she was near the top and could see out for a long ways back the way she came. She guessed - she wasn't great at judging human measurements of distance, but she guessed - she was probably two or three miles out from where she had started, which was a pretty good speed all things considered, but she imagined the other Champions would be close to where she was by now, and would be easy enough to find. In the snowy winds and windy snow it was hard to see details, but the forest was empty enough that if she backtracked, she would probably pick up scents, and that would be enough to follow them. So she carefully slid back down the tree and started back the way she had come, hoping to find enough entertainment to take her mind off of unhappy subjects.

It was still a lot of walking; all Ahri had been doing for the last hour or so was just running, and there wasn't much to think about now that the adrenaline and joy of just running forever had faded away. She tried to think about what she would ask Darius when she found him, but nothing she came up with felt right; charming was all about the moment, and that immediate context, and she figured a good taunt probably worked the same way, so she would just have to come up with it as she went. She kicked a rock along as she walked, because that was something to look at and do, and particularly it didn't occupy her nose, but she decided that relying on her nose probably wouldn't really work. So she climbed up another tree, now that she was closer, and the storm was still dying down bit by bit, and she had much better visibility; she spotted someone moving ahead of her a ways, and chased after from the treetops.

But it wasn't Darius. It was Sejuani, with her flail and her furs and her horned helmet, scaling a rocky ledge that Ahri was fairly sure she had cleared in two big jumps, because Ahri was very good at jumping. How fun, she thought, that they had gone the same way. She couldn't help but smirk at how easily she avoided notice, just lurking behind Sejuani in the treetops, as the larger woman grunted and shuffled around all noisily, Ahri felt like she could do just about anything she wanted without being seen. So she gathered up snow carefully from branches and boughs and packed it all together, and hurled it at the back of Sejuani's head. 

It struck her helmet with an odd ringing noise that made Ahri giggle, and Sejuani flinched and whirled around, still holding into the ledge with one hand, reaching for her flail, and Ahri let out a sweet, playful hum looked down from the tree she was in with her tails waving behind. "Hi, slow poke," Ahri cooed. 

"It's insulting enough they let you participate," Sejuani growled, "and now, you're going around throwing snowballs at people like this is some kind of play date?" 

"It's a game, isn't it?" Ahri sighed, a bit theatrically, although she did feel impatient and bored and tired all at once anyway, so it wasn't much of a lie. "A race for people that are good at surviving the winter. Why is it insulting that I would want to play?" 

"Games are for children," Sejuani grunted, turning her back to Ahri and resuming her climb. "This is - ngh - a Freljoridian right of passage. Surviving the winter as a warrior, living off the land... it's not a joke."

Ahri admitted, she understood and agreed with that last bit, at least. "What's it like, in the Freljord?" Ahri asked innocently. "I've never been." 

"Like this, but worse, all year," Sejauni said shortly. Ahri raised her eyebrows. "The ground is frozen and hard, and you can't grow crops in most places, and the people that do are just prey for the warriors stronger than them, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a naive fool."

"You live the laws of nature then," Ahri breathed, dashing forward as Sejuani pulled herself upright at the top, removing her helmet and brushing it off. "Survival of the fittest, where only those with the strength to thrive are able to survive at all."

"That's right," Sejuani sighed, turning up and smiling nastily at her. "It's simple... kill or be killed. That's the way it is, everywhere you go. Peace is an excuse for weakness, and the Freljord won't hear your excuses."

Ahri didn't agree with that part, but it fascinated her! It was a way of thinking she had never heard from a human before, the idea that humans had to live the same way animals did, in packs that competed for resources and survival because there was only so much to go around, and she admitted it made a lot of sense for a place as cold and harsh as the Freljord was supposed to be. But she wanted to believe that human kindness, mercy and resourcefulness could overcome any of nature's obstacles, and that was what made humans so wonderful, and why she wanted to be one so much, but that didn't mean she had to tell Sejuani that. 

"I'm surprised you would ask about that," Sejuani was continuing. "All you ever seem to want to do is insert yourself into other people's business, like it's your right, and woo any obstacles to bed to get yourself out of trouble after the fact."

Well, that was significantly more distasteful, but Ahri tried to ignore it, because it wasn't really constructive to respond to that, or to say it at all even, but Sejuani probably didn't care about that, she sounded mostly annoyed with Ahri and she'd have to make do with that, and that was how most people acted with her anyway. "Why is it so important here, though? It's not the Freljord."

"It's a matter of natural pride," Sejuani groaned, exasperated. "You wouldn't understand."

Why must everyone say that? "Obviously, I do not understand," Ahri growled testily, "or else I would not ask."

"Ionians obsess with this inane concept of enlightenment and spiritual self and other pointlessness," Sejuani snorted back. "So go have fun being holier than thou, I'm sure you'll be a lot more satisfied with that, and leave the pursuit of strength to the people that care about being strong."

"You imply I don't care about being strong," Ahri replied, becoming more and more agitated all the time, because once again she had been led briefly to believe she was having a normal conversation, and once again she was being disrespected, disregarded, dehumanized. "I don't know where you get the idea that you know what I am like." 

"Yeah, yeah," Sejuani said dismissively, putting her helmet on and beginning to stomp forward again. 

"I don't know why you called me Ionian. I'm not a part of their culture."

"Right," Sejuani sneered, without looking back. "I forgot. You're just a fox, far from home." 

 

Ahri felt hot, and she twisted the branch beneath her in her hands and her tails curled together tightly and she bared her teeth and growled, very softly, to herself. But no use getting angry. After all, she was right. 

 

"And you're going to lose to a fox," Ahri shouted, but Sejuani didn't answer. Her spite and resolve renewed, she dashed forward, rushing deliberately right past Sejuani, her tails whipping over her shoulder, and onward, no longer caring to taunt anyone, and instead eager simply to make up lost ground, because she refused to lose to anyone, but especially people that would not listen, would not care, and would not respect her, because if they cared so damn much about this silly race, then the greatest disrespect she could deal back to them was to win their stupid game and rub it in their faces as aggressively as she could. 

 

She found the edge of the treeline as the sun was starting to go down, and slowed down as she started to approach, because the wind was starting to pick up, and you were a lot more exposed out in open fields, where it would be colder and harder to move forward, and it was likely to be too dangerous to keep going without sunlight; she wished she hadn't decided to go back and taunt anyone, since it was really just a childish thing to do, and a waste of time, but she hadn't really cared about time before, she supposed, but now that she wanted to win, she couldn't help but be upset that she didn't have time to make it through the plains to the river, where there might be a safer place to hole up for the night, if she had gone fast enough. 

She prowled back and forth at the line of trees, listening to the howling wind outside, watching the snow kick up in flurries and judging how far out she could see, because she remembered that the river was very far away, but there were other places she could maybe take cover, and she could viably make a burrow or find a crevice to hide out in, where she would be safe-ish and warm-ish and could sleep for a night, and that would help her push ahead of everyone else, but it would be very dangerous, and she decided since she was still awake, and still had energy, she ought to see if she could tell where everyone was. 

So, she turned back around and scaled a nearby tree once again, and she had to go much slower because it was very cold and the wind was picking up, and Ahri's arms were shaky and her hands were feeling a little weak even through the foxfire, so she might accidentally let go or slip and then she would fall and hurt herself, and she couldn't afford to hurt herself out here without any medical supplies, because most injuries were deadly to animals, although she wasn't really an animal anymore, and she knew humans were able to survive some incredible things, so maybe she would be okay, but she'd rather not find out. Sure enough, with the sunlight almost entirely gone now, she could see a few fires in the distance, red flickering glows throughout the woods, and she knew that without such a high vantage point the others wouldn't see, so they wouldn't know how close they were to each other, but Ahri could see that they were all not very far apart, and everyone had almost gone the same distance, although a couple of fires were much closer to the tree line, and one was right at the edge, a half mile away or so (Ahri was guessing, of course). 

But there were only four fires, and that made Ahri squint because that wasn't right, and she looked around again trying to find the fifth one, there had been five people participating, right? Other than Ahri, of course, there was Riven, Darius, Tryndamere, Sejuani, and Garen, she remembered all of them standing ready to go, and they had all gone into the forest with her, or so she assumed, but who could be missing? There was no way anyone was as fast as Ahri, because Ahri was the fastest in the woods, and she knew it, and was very proud of it! So they couldn't have gotten too far ahead of her, could they?

There wasn't someone... venturing out into the plains, was there? Ahri shivered just thinking about it, huddling closer to the tree, imagining just how cold it must be for whoever was out there, and growing very concerned, because that was very dangerous, and if there was some sort of national pride on the line, Ahri supposed someone like Garen or Darius might do something stupid like this, and although they might be okay, Ahri was worried anyway, and she was also worried that they would get ahead of her, and she definitely couldn't allow that, especially for Darius, who was awful and deserved to lose. She had to keep up with them, so very carefully she climbed back down the tree again, and began to search along the tree line, heading away from the other fires, because anyone who was still moving so late probably had spotted them, in the same way Ahri had or some other way, and they wouldn't want to get too close. 

She found footprints. 

She hunched over them delicately, sniffing at them, trying to determine a scent, but the wind was very strong and her nose wasn't very good, so there wasn't really anything to go off of, but the footprints definitely led out of the woods, and disappeared almost immediately as whoever left them behind walked out of the tree line, and that worried Ahri because that meant that whoever had come this way had been out here for quite a while already, and it was hard to guess exactly how long, but based on what she knew about tracking humans and tracking in snow, she guessed it was probably about an hour, which was how long it had taken her to get here after finding Sejuani, so that wasn't so far, but that could mean that whoever it was was going to be stuck in the plains overnight, and unless they were very smart about surviving in the wild, she doubted they would be safe, and even with all of her spite towards Darius, she couldn't help but be very worried, because humans were nice and helped each other, and Ahri had done more killing than she ever cared to remember, and she had a morality now, and it was one of her most prized possessions even if she didn't really understand it, and to her that meant if a harmless stranger was in danger, she had to help. 

She wrinkled her nose. Was Darius really harmless? He probably would be after another hour in this weather, especially if the storm got worse, so maybe she shouldn't really get too caught up on technicalities unless she was deciding to let him die, and as she thought about it maybe he'd prefer for Ahri to let him, but she imagined Karma would be very unhappy if she learned that she could have saved someone and chose not to, but then Karma might also be upset that Ahri helped a Noxian, and it was very hard to tell what exactly Karma would and wouldn't be happy about, and why should she care, anyway, because Karma was a big know-it-all that didn't ever allow Ahri to think or believe for herself, even though she was all about enlightenment and a personal journey, she kept just trying to tell Ahri how things were supposed to be, and Ahri just wanted to learn how humans thought before she decided for herself, and she didn't care if Karma was upset, Karma could just deal with it, because Ahri was not her child, Ahri was no one's child, Ahri was the human birthed from force of will, from the raw desire to be human, and she would do as she pleased in her quest to understand what humanity really was, and to be the thing she wanted to be in her heart. 

She stared at the snow for a few moments. So what exactly did that mean to do? All of that drama just over deciding whether not to save someone, although she supposed saving someone at great potential danger to herself was not a decision to be made lightly, but then if she thought of it as a silly thing to be dramatic about, that probably meant that in her heart she had already decided, and she nodded to herself and thought that yes, that seemed right, it was right of her to go save whoever it was, because she was much better off in this weather than just about anyone at the Institute, and mercy was a human responsibility, and if Nature wouldn't deliver it, then she should do so in Nature's place. 

Carefully she ventured out the safety of the tree line, wrapping her tails around her body so that they were sheltering her slightly from the wind, but they couldn't do much to stop the biting chill of it, and they whipped around a bit uncomfortably when the gusts kicked up; she walked for a few moments, trying to figure out if there were any landmarks worth moving towards, but she couldn't see anything, and she wound up returning to the trees again, and she realized that the footprints she had found did the same, weaving in and out of the tree line and continuing to the west, away from where Ahri had come from, and as she followed them she found undisturbed little bushes of winterfruit, and she picked them and munched as she went, because they were sweet and also helped warm up her insides a little, and although Ahri wasn't shivering or feeling frostbitten, her energy was running a little low, and she would need to rest soon somewhere warm or else her spirit energy would give out and she wouldn't be able to produce foxfire anymore, and then she would be in very serious danger of frostbite. 

There came a ditch that maybe at one time a stream had ran through, but Ahri knew there was no water running this way even in summer time, and the footprints led down into the ditch, and as Ahri followed them she realized that when the trees ended it turned into a ravine, and someone had climbed down this way! The wind and snow would barely be able to reach and it would be safe from the wind chill and easier to warm up! Whoever had done this was very clever, or else very persistent, Ahri decided, and she was surprised she had never found this ravine, it meant she must have never come this far out from the barrier. So anyway, she climbed along carefully, watching for ice, looking up from time to time to try to see if she could figure out who was ahead of her, but they obviously had a head start, whoever they were, so she would have to move quickly; so once she got to the bottom, she began to sprint, gliding along under the rock walls on either side, and if she could've climbed she would have rather done that, but she wasn't very good at climbing, let alone moving sideways on a sheer surface quickly, although humans in generally didn't seem great at that, so it wasn't such a big deal, she just wished she could have had some other way of getting ahead. 

But she caught sight of a silhouette before not too long and gasped to herself, and started to slow down, feeling her limbs get a bit tired now, it was late and cold and her legs were shaking now from all the climbing and running, and her foxfire was starting to fade, and she approached the other contestant carefully at first, but it wasn't very hard to identify them even from behind as she got closer, because all the others were big hulking tough people, and it wasn't like Riven was small, but she was decidedly smaller than the others, except maybe Sejuani who had that obvious horned helmet, and now that she looked at Riven it was very strange and worrying how little she wore, because the traveler's outfit with a coat added on still exposed her legs and arms and head, and it was cold enough that exposed skin should be frostbitten, but Riven looked quite healthy, if very tired, when she turned back to Ahri, and Ahri decided she must be doing some supernatural heating technique, too, but she couldn't imagine what a Noxian would be able to do, since they didn't really seem too thrilled about magic, as a whole. 

"Riven!" Ahri gasped, coming to walk alongside her. "Why are you out so far? It's past sundown and the storm is getting bad!" 

"Really," Riven said idly, as if this was entirely inconsequential, as if the weather was not directly threatening her. "Huh, that's interesting to know."  
"I guess this is a really good place to rest," Ahri admitted, looking around at the crevice; it seemed almost twenty feet deep now, very sheltered, though they were walking into a bitter wind now that hadn't been there when Ahri had started down. "You're ahead of everyone else, you know, I saw all of their fires before I came looking for you." 

"Looking for me?" Riven looked down at her with an annoyed expression. Ahri flinched a little, she had not realized this would be upsetting, and she hadn't really thought about it, but she didn't want to upset Riven, she liked to not to upset her friends in general, and she guessed that since Riven had been nice to her, she wanted to be friends with Riven, and this wasn't a good way to start. She must have been annoyed that Ahri thought she had to be looked after, and Ahri obviously identified with that, and it made her feel very guilty, what with how she had just ran away from feeling looked after, and now here she was passing on that condescending attitude to someone even stronger than her. 

"I was just worried, I guess," Ahri finished quietly, hanging her head, so that Riven would know that she knew she had made a mistake, but to her surprise Riven's chuckle sounded rather affectionate, and the taller girl let out a relieved sigh. 

"You're a refreshing one," Riven said quietly. "Well, now that you've found me, this would be a good place to sleep, so are you going to hole up here?" 

"Maybe," Ahri said, looking up again, watching Riven's eyes, though Riven was looking straight forward now, focusing on the forward road. "But that would be silly, since you're just going to keep walking and get ahead of me if I go to sleep first."

"That's true," Riven agreed, "and I'm not going to stop, either, for the same reason." 

Ahri squinted at her, trying to figure out what Riven was saying, because this seemed completely illogical and pointless, and filled with weird bravado, and Riven had been telling Ahri earlier today that trying to be prideful in the wild would just get you killed, and Ahri had agreed with that, so why was Riven being weird and prideful now? "We should agree to just stop and sleep at the same time, then," Ahri said, with satisfaction that she had found a good solution, and Riven smiled bitterly.

"I'll have to decline," she replied softly. 

"You're already beating everyone," Ahri said, pouting. "I'll sleep closer to the Institute if that would make you feel better."

"So you're just doing this to get me to sleep," Riven observed, finally glancing down at the fox, who now stood her ground under Riven's surprisingly haughty glare, because this seemed wrong and out of place, Riven had not looked like this before, though Ahri guessed she did not know Riven very well, and anything was possible. 

"I'm worried about you," Ahri repeated darkly. "I came out here, in deadly cold with my energy running low, because I didn't want to sit by and let someone kill themselves from bravado by thinking they were tougher than the snowstorm. I assumed it was Darius, or Garen, or someone similarly brutish. I didn't think it would be you."

Riven looked forward again, looking somber. 

"Nature doesn't care about what you have to prove," Ahri said, more firmly. She saw Riven's eyes soften, and Ahri was glad for a moment, but then Riven looked away and shook her head, and clenched her fists, and Ahri worried again, she didn't know why Riven was reacting so tensely to this, but there must have been something going on that Ahri didn't know about...

"I can't sleep, Ahri," Riven whispered. "Alright? So just leave me alone." 

"You can't- you can't sleep?" Ahri's eyes widened. "What? How long has it been?" 

"I've done this every year since I came here, and it's always the same. If I try to sleep, I wind up just lying awake all night, and I might as well spend that time making progress." Her voice had shored up and she sounded irritated, but Ahri was not about to give this up, because gods damn it Ahri wanted a friend that would treat her nice, and even though Riven was annoyed, she was respecting Ahri, not like Sejuani, not like Karma, not like Taline, but like a real nice person that would treat her like another person. 

"Is it just the cold that does it then?" Ahri pressed. "I can help! I can make a fire that will keep you very warm, if that would help you get to sleep!" 

"Ahri," Riven growled, and Ahri swept in front of Riven and folded her arms and snarled. 

"You listen to me," Ahri shouted, "because no one ever does, and I won't stand for it a second longer. I don't know what it is that you're doing this contest for, but it's not worth putting your life at risk for, and that's what's going to happen if you just keep walking forward into a blizzard without taking any time to rest and recover your strength."

"What am I, your child?" Riven sighed, exasperated, and Ahri felt guilty, but that only made her more angry, and her tails flared up and her foxfire grew more intense, and the air around her began to shimmer. 

"Don't patronize me!" she cried.

"Yeah, well, don't patronize me, either," Riven murmured, her eyes flashing. 

"I - I'm not! What if I was doing the same thing you were, Riven, wouldn't you be worried about me, just running off almost naked into the cold?"

Riven didn't respond, she just looked into Ahri's eyes, and Ahri glared back, feeling finally that she had some semblance of control over the conversation. 

"Maybe you wouldn't come to save me," Ahri continued darkly, "but I guess maybe that's what separates Noxian killers from other humans, is how they don't care enough about people to help them." And as Ahri said this, she began to think that maybe Riven was not a good friend to have after all, it wasn't like she had ever expected to befriend a Noxian, and she didn't care to start now, except that she wanted to know more about why they had invaded Ionia, but that would be a strange thing to ask Riven out of nowhere, and Riven probably didn't know anything about it, so she refocused on the present, thinking maybe this was a good time to just turn and run ahead and find a better place to rest, but then she saw that Riven had looked away and crossed an arm over her chest, and realized what a hurtful thing she had said, and it was hard to bear Riven's reaction, to realize that she had probably badly hurt her feelings, even though she didn't think a Noxian would ever feel bad about what they were with all of their pride, and Ahri wondered why Riven was such an unusual Noxian, and that interested her very much.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Riven muttered, sounding crushed, and Ahri was reminded of those soldiers she had seen around her village, who just looked so empty and sad, and Riven really looked a lot like that right now, and now she REALLY wanted to ask, because maybe Riven being a strange unusual Noxian had something to do with those soldiers' faces, but it was a very rude and inappropriate time, and she would never get a better time if she didn't try to befriend Riven after all, and Riven looked so hurt right now that Ahri couldn't help but think maybe Riven was just tired and irritated, especially if she had had trouble sleeping, that would make a lot of sense, so yes, she should definitely give Riven another chance.

"I'm sorry," Ahri murmured, as Riven started to move past her, and she let Riven go but stayed at her side. "That was cruel of me. I don't know what being Noxian is like at all, really. All I know is what Ionians tell me, and what I saw when I was still living in Ionia."

"Back when you were a fox?" Riven murmured, and Ahri wondered why she was asking this, not just because it was odd for someone to care about her, but also because this wasn't really relevant to the discussion they were having, and she wondered if Riven was trying to stall to make more progress, but she wasn't going to make friends by trying to oppose her more. 

"Yes, and some after I transformed, too," Ahri agreed solemnly. "When I could understand emotions and facial expressions more, I watched humans a lot, and I saw the aftermath of the destruction of a nearby village. And it was... hard to watch." 

"It's hard to look back on," Riven agreed, very quietly. Ahri looked up at her, startled.

"Were you there?" Ahri breathed. Riven gritted her teeth.

"I don't want to talk about it." 

 

Ahri began to think maybe she knew what was going on. She opened her mouth to speak, but Riven saw her, and instead of being angry, Riven just sighed, and looked away, her eyes hurt and exhausted, and Ahri couldn't bring herself to continue. She would ask another day, when it wasn't so near to Riven's pain. 

 

"Sorry," she said, lamely, instead, and Riven chuckled, and then laughed, and stopped and leaned backwards against the crevice wall laughing, a kind of wild and uncontrolled laugh, and Ahri watched her, disconcerted, until she calmed down, rubbing her eyes and breathing harshly. 

" _You're_ apologizing to _me_ ," Riven panted, grinning emptily into Ahri's face. "Rich. You really know how to hurt a girl's feelings, Ahri, I tell you." 

Ahri did not know what to say to that, but she was very sad, so she drooped her tails and ears and looked down and wrung her hands. Riven watched her for a little bit, her fake smile slowly sliding away, sighed and shook her head, looking so tired and sad again, and pulled her straps around her shoulders, and began to march forward past Ahri.

"Maybe we can talk about something else," Ahri offered. 

"No," Riven said flatly. Ahri flinched. 

"Okay," Ahri murmured, falling back, still wringing her hands, looking around for somewhere maybe she could sleep, because it was clear that Riven didn't want her around any more, and she had failed, by hurting the feelings of the girl who had treated her with respect, because she just didn't know what she was doing. "I'll - I'll let you keep going then. I can't go on much longer or else my fire will run out."

Riven paused, and sighed, looking back slowly. Ahri looked up at her, demurely. "Have you eaten anything today?" she asked dully.

"Some winterfruit I found," Ahri said immediately, reassuringly. "And before I came in I had a big breakfast, and I was a festival earlier today and I had some tempura, but that was all. I was going to go hunting but I got distracted."

"Distracted?" Riven raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah." Now Ahri looked away, uncomfortable, feeling kind of judged, because humans were not as easily distracted as she was, usually. "Um. Running."

Riven laughed again, but this sounded gentle and relieved, and friendly, and Ahri still felt kind of mocked, but it wasn't as bad as she had expected. "Well, I could use a break to eat something," she sighed, "so tell you what. You help me make a fire to warm up some rations with, and I'll share." 

Ahri's ears perked up and she looked at Riven with total surprise. Riven was smiling, an almost sincere smile, almost hopeful smile; she seemed apologetic, but also happy to help, something Ahri didn't expect, and she looked genuinely pleased that Ahri was so surprised, and she smiled back and nodded eagerly. "How can I help?"

 

Part of Riven's supplies were a number of thick, stubby branches of something she called scarwood, which she said was magically treated from the Noxus badlands (what a strange name for a place!) to ignite more easily, and Ahri was able to use it to make a nice big fire by setting it alight with her own flame, and it burned very slowly much to Ahri's surprise, so it promised to last for a good while even without much fuel to be found nearby. Riven's rations turned out to be jerky, raisins, and freezing cold water, but Ahri was grateful for it anyway, it was much more filling than just a few bits of winterfruit, and she in particular had never had jerky before, and it wasn't very tasty, but Riven explained it was common for travelers and soldiers to live off of food like it, and Ahri said that it was much better than what she was used to living off of, and Riven had thought that was funny, and that made Ahri happy, because she thought it was kind of funny, too. 

Riven had curled herself up under her furred coat, which was much bigger than Ahri had initially realized, and she had offered a second one from her pack to Ahri, who had accepted it happily and was snuggled up to the wall across the ravine, with the fire crackling nicely between them, and Ahri was very happy here, this was a fun little adventure and maybe she had succeeded in being friendly after all, but as they finished eating and the silence wore on, Riven looked away, and through the wall, and Ahri wondered what was going through her mind, but knew that it was probably not very good. 

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, earlier," Ahri said, hoping maybe she would hit on the right thing, and be able to distract her, because she knew when she was upset about something and looked like Riven did, she wanted to be distracted more than anything. 

"I know." Riven looked back over at her, smiling tiredly, and in the firelight Ahri saw bags under her eyes, and wondered just how long it had been since Riven had slept. "You're a nice girl, Ahri."

Ahri smiled shyly, very happy to be called nice, and even happier to just be called a girl. 

"I snapped at you," Riven was continuing, sighing and looking away again, still looking sad. "When you're tired, it's easy to lash out at people, even though the one you're angry with is yourself."

Ahri's smile faded again. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but -"

"I don't." Riven interrupted her, but her voice was soft, and gentle. "And honestly I don't think you want to hear about it. I'm sure you are curious, but some things - some things people aren't meant to experience, and... I dunno. I just really don't want you to go through it." 

"Why?" Ahri bristled, a little, wondering if maybe she was being disrespected after all.

"You're just so nice, and happy, and innocent." Riven slumped her head against the wall and closed her eyes. "I remember when I used to be like that, Ahri. It's a good time. I just... couldn't bear seeing your curiosity ruin it." 

There was a pause. Ahri's tails curled back and forth, as she wondered what to say to this, because basically what Riven was saying was that she thought Ahri was too innocent to know about whatever huge thing was troubling Riven, but that amounted to seeing her as a child, and Ahri didn't want to be seen that way, but Riven had taken great care to not actually say that, and Ahri wondered if Riven even realized that that was how it sounded to Ahri. 

"It's not like nothing ever troubles me either," Ahri murmured, watching Riven intently. Riven looked up, startled, as Ahri continued. "I'm just worried because I know what it's like to look like you do, and I don't like that feeling, and I don't want anyone else to suffer through it either."

"Right." Riven smiled, weakly, laying back again. "Right, of course you do, Ahri. I'm sorry, you probably hear condescending shit like that all the time."

 

No one, no one ever, had apologized to Ahri for that before. 

 

"I do," Ahri said softly. Riven winced. "But you've been very nice to me, Riven, and I really appreciate it." 

"You deserve it." Riven shrugged, sighing with relief. "You remind me of the kind of person everyone else wishes they were, you know. Young, and full of energy and hope and curiosity. We all wish we could be young again, but we aren't strong enough. It takes a lot of strength to bear a burden and stay happy and motivated like you. I'm jealous. I'm sure lots of people are jealous."

Ahri didn't know what to say, or even what to think, about this, except that it seemed kind of wrong, since she wasn't very strong really, she ran from things when she was scared and sometimes she got very sad over things that shouldn't be so bad, and she didn't have the strength to be what she wanted, so what good was the strength she had? 

There was a pause, and Ahri wondered if Riven had fallen asleep, with her eyes closed like that, but eventually Riven opened them again, and they looked so, so tired. "You said you were at a festival today?"

"Yeah," Ahri said, looking into her lap at the memory of it. It was supposed to have been a fun time, but instead not only did she not have any fun, and not only did she not really remember anything that she'd seen or done there, she had gone and hurt someone else's experience, instead. 

"That's not the kind of face I would have expected, from a sweet girl who went to a festival," Riven observed, sounding worried. She sat up, with a little groan. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

Ahri looked up at her, apprehensive for a moment, but Riven looked very sincerely interested, and Ahri had an idea, something that might help both of them, if it went just right. "I guess I could," she sighed, looking away and letting her tails relax. "I just wanted to go see what was going on. I don't get to do many fun things for Snowdown."

"Why not?" Riven looked genuinely surprised, out of the corner of Ahri's eyes. "The Institute is supposed to put on public events for everyone."

"Well, I can carol, but that's only fun for a little while," Ahri explained, "and the Demacians have all these ceremonies that they get all shady about when I ask about them, and the Noxians make fun of me if I ever try to play their games, and the Ionians - I can't ever seem to do anything right with the Ionians, and they don't like that I just want to explore and learn new things, and I don't really understand why."

"Public doesn't mean welcome, huh," Riven muttered. "What happened?" 

"Well," Ahri groaned, "it was apparently supposed to be a couples festival, and you had to come with a partner, if you weren't doing something to participate backstage, and I didn't have anyone..."

"You didn't have anyone?" Again, Riven sounded incredulous. "Couldn't you... charm some guy, into coming with you, and- "

Ahri closed her eyes slowly. Riven cut herself off.

"Right," Riven said, reverently. "Really sorry, Ahri. No boy talk."

"No charm talk," Ahri corrected softly. 

"No charm talk," Riven agreed. "Promise."

"And I won't talk about the war."

"It's a deal." 

 

She opened her eyes slowly, and looked over at Riven, who was watching her with a mix of eager expectation and worry. "Thanks, Riven." Really, thank you, because no one else will ever respect me, let alone apologize for hurting my feelings, when it comes to this stupid charm and romance business, because no one else seems to care about what it felt like, even the people that know.

"You get made fun of for that a lot, don't you," Riven sighed. "Humans are assholes, Ahri. Sorry you had to find that out, but it's the truth."

"Not all of them, it seems." Ahri saw Riven looking a bit taken aback, but she closed her eyes again, and took a deep breath, because she was ready to move on. "So it was a couples festival."

Riven didn't respond, but Ahri knew she was listening. 

"So I went walking around trying to see if there were any singles there, just to kinda get a feel for whether it was wrong for me to go by myself, you know? And if it didn't look like that was okay I thought I would ask to do something backstage, but you were supposed to volunteer for that in advance, and even though I asked Karma to let me know if there was anything I can do, she didn't ever arrange anything, so I assume she just forgot or assumed I wouldn't want to. So, I was looking around for singles, and I thought maybe they'd gather near the food, so I went over that way, and..."

She relayed her whole morning to Riven, eventually opening her eyes again and starting to gesture, glancing over from time to time, and when she did Riven would nod tiredly, but her eyes were dimmer and dimmer each time, and as she got closer to the moment she stopped Taline and had the final conversation, she drew it out, and started talking about how nice it would have been to have Wukong there, and then how nice it would have been to have Riven there instead, and how they could've explored together, and how Karma would have been so upset but it would've been funny...

 

...until she looked over at Riven, and her eyes were closed, and she slowly trailed off, and Riven didn't respond. 

 

She smiled gently to herself. Good night, exile. 

 

When Ahri woke up, she was alone. The fire was out, and far overhead, Ahri saw the sky still showed a few stars, but dimly glowed with a sunrise well out of sight. Ahri still had her blanket-coat that she had borrowed from Riven, and... a small bag of rations was left at her feet as well. She stared at her gifts, surprised, but very grateful, because that was very nice of Riven, and she had slept very well thanks to this, and --

_First person to fall asleep every day is the person who falls behind the most. First person to wake up in the morning is the person that makes the most progress the next day._

Ahri yelped and shot straight upright, wrapping the coat around herself quickly and snatching up the rations and setting out into a sprint right away, because she refused to lose, not even to Riven, not even her friend!! She was going to give her friend a good challenge, and if nothing else, she was going to make sure to catch up to Riven so she could finish telling her story, and tell her other stories, because she had lots of stories to tell, and even though it was kind of silly to think that she was so excited to tell a story to someone that wouldn't hear it, the most satisfying thing that had happened to her in weeks was watching the troubled one finally drift off to sleep. 

The storm had calmed down a lot, and it was still snowy and windy across the plains, but thanks to Ahri's new coat she could get through it without feeling too cold, and she even broke into a run after a little while, because running felt nice, and out here in the plains there wasn't much to worry about running into, so she could just dash and dash until she felt tired or saw the river. She did slow down after a little while, when she sun was looming partially overhead, snacking on jerky and raisins and thinking about Riven, and how nice it had been of her to share her food, and she wondered if Riven knew what Ahri had done and that Ahri had done it on purpose, and maybe that was why she had left Ahri some more food, but whatever the reason, Ahri was very appreciative, and looked forward to catching up to Riven to thank her. 

Ahri thought about Riven a lot, really, in fact it was almost better to say that she couldn't stop thinking about Riven, and it made her a little nervous because the feeling she got thinking about Riven was a scary familiar feeling, and one that Ahri tried not to have, but she couldn't help it, she was just so happy to have made a friend, a real friend that talked to her normal like Wukong, and she remembered how Wukong would sometimes apologize for the way humans are, but he was so playful and dismissive, and he was decidedly still a monkey, a fun loving happy monkey but not really a human, and Riven - the thing that struck her most about Riven really was how human Riven felt, the way she walked with so much weight in her steps and she looked around with so much in her eyes, even if Ahri didn't know exactly what was there, she knew that Riven carried the things that Ahri loved, that made her adore humans so much: a purpose, an ideal, beliefs! Feelings and morality about the way the world should be and the will to shape her world to match! And Ahri couldn't help but get excited thinking about if she could maybe stay friends with Riven, and go see her sometimes, she could learn more about Riven's feelings, and maybe come to have feelings like that of her own, a reason to shape the world to be a way she wanted, nothing big but something she could be proud of, and in the meantime she would love to tell Riven more stories, especially if she always had trouble sleeping, she thought it would be fun to help Riven sleep by sharing her troubles, and Ahri knew that it would make her feel better too, since she'd have someone to talk to that would listen to her, and would sigh with her and be sorry for how humans are, and Ahri could end every day remembering that not all humans are terrible and think she's a child, and that there's someone out there that would respect her, and she remembered that moment when Riven apologized about being condescending, the sober expression, the sorrowful eyes, and she committed that to memory, because even though it wasn't a happy memory, it had made her very happy to know that Riven cared about her enough to apologize, and she wanted to always remember that, and to think about it when she was sad, to cheer herself up, and to remind herself to never give up, because there will always be humans you haven't met, and maybe you'll make wonderful friends in the most unexpected places. 

Before the river came another small wooded area, and here Ahri took the time to climb and try to find everyone; she saw lines in the snow that she imagined were tracks, though they were only sort of visible with the way the wind knocked snow through the air; four sets, plus hers that had come through the ravine, so only Riven was missing, who must have come along beforehand. But not all of the trails seemed to make it to the river woods, so she was still in the lead except for possibly Riven; she noticed that very likely she wouldn't be able to find anyone after the river, not as easily anyway, as when she looked ahead she saw the 'hill' they were supposed to be scaling, which was really more of a small mountain; on the north face, where Ahri was looking, it was patched with cliffs and snow-covered sloped landings that looked treacherous enough even in fair weather, and right along its base was the Trident River that cut away to the east and swept around the Institute before branching throughout the plains that led to Demacia, where Ahri had never been; the hill itself stuck out from a plateau like a cold sore, and the river flowed down from the Barrier in the foggy distance, hugging the base of the hill even atop the shelf; even if you climbed that you would still have to cross somehow, though Ahri imagined it would be easier to cross from the higher elevation, but she wasn't sure if the detour would be worth the time lost. 

Ahri turned her attention to the river, as she didn't really know how she intended to cross it; skin was easier to dry than clothes, and she could maybe just throw the coat over (she was very good at throwing!) and then swim, but she was worried about the current, since she'd never come this far before and didn't know what the river actually looked like, and frozen Snowdown rivers tended to actually become very fierce because of all of the melty snowfall in the mountains, or at least that's what she remembered back in Ionia, and it had something to do with how hot springs worked, but she'd never really learned what caused it, all she knew was rivers were more dangerous in winter, not less, so she doubted it would be wise to swim through freezing waters that might have turned to rapids, but she wouldn't know for sure until she got there, and then she'd just have to figure out what to do herself. 

As she was returning to the ground, she caught sight of motion through the branches and went still, watching carefully for hints of identity; she remembered that one of the snow-trails had come rather close to her own before too long, though she wasn't sure whether it was pursuit or random luck, so she didn't want to make any assumptions yet, but she also wanted to be safe. She heard heavy tromping boots and that was about all, but she could tell it wasn't Riven from the darkness and size of the shape, and she carefully darted down into the snow to follow them, lurking behind a good distance and drifting between tree trunk cover just in case they looked back. She caught sight of a huge waraxe that identified him immediately - Darius, tromping along, grumbling, his hair still slicked back despite a sprinkling of snow lingering in it, too loud and obnoxious to realize that a denizen of the forest was now following him, so she giggled and crept up slowly, catching up until she was walking just about alongside him, albeit several feet to his side, a few trees away, and as the trees started to thin towards the river she cleared her throat, and he looked over at her immediately, something near startled. 

"Having a pleasant walk?" Ahri asked sweetly. 

"Too easy," he agreed with a sneer. "If someone like you can parade around with your legs showing."

"I can light myself on fire," Ahri observed mildly, "so I don't think my skin exposure is necessarily relevant."

He narrowed his eyes as she spoke. "Your coat," he growled. "It's new."

"Riven gave it to me," she said happily. 

"She gave it to you." He raised his eyebrow. "So now you're charming contestants so you can steal their supplies, huh?"

"No." Ahri growled, and dropped her playful demeanor right away, because this wasn't a funny thing to joke about, and she wanted that to be clear. 

But he laughed at her. "Offended?" He grinned toothily and pointed at her. "You should use every ability you have to your advantage. If this is such a walk in the park to you, crush us. Anything less is insulting." 

Well, that was a troublesome thing to hear, because that made it sound like Darius would be glad if Ahri won, but maybe only if she had to try very hard for it, which she really wasn't, what with the way she was wandering around making trouble for all the contestants. "I'm not interested in that," she said dismissively, looking away and tossing her hair. "It's no fun without anyone to talk to." 

"Without anyone to talk to," Darius repeated mockingly. "Of course a fox in human's clothing has no one to talk to." Ahri tensed and she noticed her tails were flaring but she didn't do anything else. "But if she can whore herself out for other people's food and clothes, it can't be all bad, can it?"

"What did you just call me?" Ahri whispered, turning to glare at him again. 

"Whore," Darius snarled, more loudly and with pleasure. "Fox whore. An abomination that only the outer reaches of the world would ever harbor. A mistake that any Noxian would simply cut down." He reached back, and took his axe into his hands, and began to walk towards Ahri, instead of forward. "And if she continues to mock us, I'll do it myself, right now." 

Ahri's eyes widened, as she realized she was being threatened, very directly threatened. Her eyes flashed and their piercing glow set into Darius' eyes, a panic response, but one that she desperately hoped would work, as she looked deeply into him, seeking his soul, but honestly what could she say? She felt her influence wrapping around him, but she couldn't find the words to say to make it connect, the suggestion to give that would make this work, because he just smiled even more nastily as he advanced, and she wondered if she was just making this MORE dangerous instead of LESS - 

"Whore," he whispered, his upper lip curling and his head inclining, and he began to run - 

Ahri screamed and jumped into the nearest tree, scrambling upwards - the branches were icy and she slipped, but she managed to escape arm's reach, but Darius swung at the tree anyway and she yelped and jumped to the nearest one again, but slipped on that one too and nearly fell out, and Darius just followed her with his axe ready, the trees were far apart and she couldn't be sure she would be able to jump between them any more, and she didn't want to find out how many chops it would take to knock her little refuges down because that was a very big axe, and these were not very big trees - 

The entire tree shuddered and Ahri cried out again, and jumped to the ground as far away as she could, and broke into a sprint as Darius ran after her, but she knew she was in trouble, because all there was this way was the river, and she could see it in the distance, and it definitely looked choppy and rough and she didn't dare swim in it, but she was being chased by a crazy axe man behind her and that was even more dangerous - 

She heard a whistling sound behind her and she dashed to one side in a panic, but she had heard it too late and she felt a sharp pain in the back of her right leg, and stumbled to the ground as soon as she put weight on it, it didn't want to hold her up, but it had to, it had to keep working, so she pushed herself up, looking around wildly for Darius, and he was stomping towards her with his waraxe in his left hand and another throwing hatchet in his right, and she could only do one thing - she could only beg for him to stop - she looked into his eyes, and snarled and flared her tails, and cried "DROP IT!" 

Darius shuddered, as the charm swept over him, his arms growing lax, but it wasn't strong enough, it only gave Ahri time to stand up on her left leg now, but then her shook his head with a snarl and grinned, hurling the throwing axe - but Ahri now had time to see it coming and was able to dodge, dashing to the side again and throwing herself against a tree to stop her momentum, since her leg couldn't be trusted, and she tried to start to run again but Darius was just behind her now, and she couldn't move anywhere near as fast like this...

"Imperfections," Darius was growling, "that's all you are, an imperfection, and Noxus cares only for the strongest life Valoran has to offer. What can you do to stop the Hand of Noxus?!" He lunged all of a sudden and his axe crashed down, but Ahri again was able to slip away, though she stumbled and fell again, this time on the frosted pebbles near the riverside, she was running out of places to run! 

She again focused her energy on him, this was the only thing she could do, she couldn't keep running and she couldn't try to swim - "I can grow," she cried, "stronger than any of you, I can prove my own strength, because I chose to be this way, and none of you can say that - "

"We make a choice, every day," Darius snarled, slashing around with just his hand, as if knocking Ahri's charm aside. "Fight, or die! There are no other choices! Use your power to its fullest, or stand aside for those that will!" 

He leapt high, and Ahri rolled desperately; the axe came down on the rock where she had just been as she scrambled onto her foot again, one hand clutching her thigh to stop the bleeding, the other trying to help her balance, while her tails waved about vainly trying to do the same. As she carefully limped backwards, Darius advancing once again in confident, swift steps, she lifted her hand and produced foxfire, but even just looking at it it was weak, not her fullest potential. She looked out over the river; she couldn't swim that, she couldn't jump that distance, but she had... no other options left. 

She pressed the fire to her wounded leg - she screamed, in agony, but she had done this before, just once or twice, and it was the only hope she had; as it burned at her skin she felt her spirit regaining control over her limb, and all at once she was able to move again at full speed. She dashed backwards as he swung his axe in an arc, and scanned the riverbed, looking for the nearest tree - past him - lunged and whipped behind him, sprinting for the tree, scrambling up it with fire in her fists willing away the ice, and with all her momentum, she lunged down the branch closest to the river and vaulted as far forward as she could. 

 

She wasn't even going to clear half of the river. She closed her eyes and prayed the cold wouldn't kill her. She knew praying was something humans did when they were scared.

 

When she hit the water, it felt more like the water had smashed into her - her breath was knocked out of her immediately and she gasped, and took in half a mouthful of icy water; she coughed and forced herself to the surface, her body hysterically trying to gather air and her heart pounding, as she tried to straighten her tails and legs out to swim somehow, but the water was moving too fast and cared not for her balance, and she less swam and more tumbled along, the fire in her leg was gone, the fire in her limbs was gone, even her racing heart began to turn sluggish, she couldn't feel, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't see...

...she hit something, her arms latched around it desperately, but she didn't stop, she just kind of slowed, and she barely managed to pull herself atop it, but it barely supported her; it was a log, some old wooden debris that had been floating around, and Ahri could only flop herself halfway over it, her body still almost entirely submerged, unwilling to move, her tails heavy and sodden and pulling her back into the depths, but at least she finally managed to cough up the water in her lungs, so she could take heaving breaths without being in immediate danger, looking around with blurred and dimming vision, aware that she was slipping away from consciousness, she had to find land somewhere, and at this point she didn't care which side of the river she wound up on, as long as she got out, but her legs would barely move at all, she couldn't try to steer this thing, she just bobbed along, who knew how far downriver she was now... 

But Ahri was not the kind of girl to mope... Ahri was not the kind of girl to give up. She thought back to the time she had been running from the start, and Riven had been behind her, and she'd had a friend. She thought to the nice smile Taline had given her when they had started to make up, even though Taline turned out to be bad, she had been nice and tried her best, and she thought to all of the times Wukong told Ahri that it was okay to be whatever she wanted, and that the person she was was beautiful, and she thought about when Riven had told her she was a nice girl, and she thought of Riven's face when she had apologized, and she thought of the way Riven cared about her, she thought about all of the happiest things she could think of, and she drew upon her spirit, and begged her humanity, please, burn in me, let me survive this, because that's what humans do - against all odds, they survive! 

She turned to spirit fire and threw herself sideways, towards the river's far side, with all she had.

She hit a rock almost immediately and blacked out for just a second, and then she was rolling along in shallow water, and she grabbed desperately at the rocks and pulled herself ashore, crawling, her leg crying out at her in pain, her head throbbing. She was out. But she was still freezing. She tore off her coat, sad that it was now useless, and she tore off her skirt, and then her top, and was left with just the wrappings around her waist and chest, which at least were tight enough to not absorb too much water, but were still soaked, but at least now she wasn't as wet...

She took a deep breath, and again tried to think of all of her happy things, but the happiest thing to her right now was that she had gotten away, and as much as it sombered her, it was enough to draw on her power again, and she was able to wrap herself in her faint, ghostly flame, doing little to warm or dry her but at least beating off the chilled air. She felt tears building, and let them. It's okay, poor body, this was scary and hard, but you did it! I did it, and I'm okay now, I just have to warm up a bit, and I can keep going, and the most important thing is _I'm ahead of Darius._

Well, no, the most important thing was that she was alive. But...

...above her, there was a shape. She blinked. Her vision was blurry and dark, so she blinked again, but it was hard to see. The shape was slowly coming towards her, having to scale down a small ledge to reach her. It was too big to be Riven, but too barechested to be... anyone but...

"Tryndamere?" she managed, weakly. 

"Of all the ways to cross a raging river," he huffed, sounding amused, "that was more impressive than any I expected from you." 

Ahri closed her eyes again. "I almost died, thank you very much." 

"Next time, pick a way more suited for small, foxy things."

"Yes, thank you," she groaned dryly. "Maybe next time I won't be chased by axe murderers into making a rash decision."

There was a short hesitation. "Axe murderers," he repeated. "Darius?"

"The one and only." 

"Low of him, to attack someone else," Tryndamere grumbled. "This is a Freljordian rite of passage! A ritual of strength and coming of age! It is not a contest of battle to slaughter your companions, but to celebrate their strength as well as your own." She heard him sigh. "Noxians don't understand anything, do they?" 

She heard what little armor and wrappings he wore creaking, as he knelt down beside her. "You'll freeze, like this," he observed.

"Better than the river," she muttered. 

"True, but not better enough." He hefted his pack onto the ground, and Ahri opened her eyes as he began to bustle around her, but she couldn't see well enough to figure out what was happening. She could tell she was recovering, though! She wasn't gasping for air like a drowned rat, and her heart was finally slowing down! 

There was a loud, shrill ringing of metal on stone, and Ahri flinched as light filled her vision, and she blinked repeatedly, and... 

...he'd built a fire? 

"A gift, from an impressed warrior, to the new blood," Tryndamere said, leaning down into her field of vision; she nodded dazedly. 

"Thanks," she grunted, as she pushed herself, trying to scoot closer to it. "Do you have a wrapping for my leg?" 

"No, but you do," he said easily. "Now! Rest easy with your victory, and carry it with you. Remember this, as the time you bested the Trident River." 

Ahri smiled. "Thank you." He was funny and kind of sweet, and she was surprised by that, and she was again very grateful. 

"Bring more new fighters next year," he laughed, "if they're all as fun to watch as you are!" She at last cleared her vision well enough to see him, grinning through his rugged beard, eyes alight. He pushed himself up, and Ahri watched him as he scaled the ledge again, and continued upwards towards Trident Hill. 

"I'm going to beat you," Ahri called, her voice shivering, but back to full strength, the heat of the fire and the warmth of Tryndamere's care filling her heart again. 

"Good!" Tryndamere laughed. "Very good!" And she thought she saw him move faster. 

 

Ahri rested there for a while. She tore a strip of cloth from her skirt to use for her leg, and draped her clothes over a nearby rock face near the fire, shifting them from time to time to try to help them dry faster; the snowfall made it feel redundant, but over time they did seem to improve, and after a while she pulled them back on - shivering, they were damn cold, but at least not dripping in icewater, and even her coat was thick and dry enough to keep the cold out, at least a little. She lifted the last chunk of wood Tryndamere had left her, carefully pushing herself up - her leg was far from healed, but it didn't feel like she was going to fall when she put weight on it - and she began to climb. 

As much as she could, she just walked, because she didn't want to try any real climbing right now, the wind had picked up as soon as she'd left the cover of the riverbank, and now it was snowing even harder, but she couldn't just sit there forever or else she'd lose. It was slow going, trying to pick her way up switchbacks of her own making, figuring out where the snow obscured difficult footing, holding her little fire close to her body as she looked around trying to figure out where to go next, warming herself with the last vestiges of her competition's good will, but eventually she had to climb something too tall for her to throw her torch up, so she doused it in snow, and thought thank you to Tryndamere one last time, and slowly, carefully, pulled herself up the ledge, handhold by handhold, until she had scaled the first major climb. By now, her foxfire had rekindled itself, now that she was thinking about how nice it was to have met people that just treated her like another person, and she thought a lot about how Tryndamere had acted towards her, where he was clearly still the superior and mentorly figure, in his own odd way, but he managed to be respectful to Ahri, and he wondered if he would have treated her that way if she hadn't leapt into the river, and even though that was kind of odd to think about, it was reassuring in a way, because that meant that maybe not everyone's disrespect towards her was automatic, maybe some people you just had to work to earn the respect of, and she decided that if Tryndamere was impressed with her decision to swim through the Trident, that combined with the laughter that came to her heart every time she remembered that last moment of survival when she climbed onto the shore, those two memories together were worth it, and she could be happy that she did that, even though it was stupid and dangerous and she would never do it again. 

The sun began to set after she had been climbing for a while, and it was kind of good because it meant that she couldn't see down the hill well enough to tell if anyone was following her, because she was growing very paranoid that Darius was going to be within sight and he'd start chasing her again, but she couldn't see him or anyone else for that matter, so she assumed that she had been passed by everyone while she was resting and was totally safe, from him at least, but she still wanted to win and it was discouraging to think of how much time she had lost. But there was an odd shadow above and to the side of her, that at first she had thought might have been a rock, except it was moving up a switchback that Ahri couldn't get to, and she realized it was definitely a person, and she just couldn't see them very well in the low light, so she tried to make her way closer, once she found a somewhat level patch of ground she could kind of run along, although she had to limp because her leg hurt really bad when she ran, and she saw the hair and the eyes and knew exactly who it was and felt such a rush of relief that she couldn't help but call out her name.  
"You're limping," Riven said, surprised, as Ahri lunged in to hug her - Riven made an odd 'oomph' sound, and wrapped her arms around Ahri in return, and Ahri noticed that she didn't look tired at all any more, and that made her heart swell a little. "Everything alright?"  
"I found Darius," Ahri said, hiding in Riven's shoulder - Riven was VERY warm, and she just couldn't resist being as close as possible, even though she was sure Riven was kind of uncomfortable. "And he was very unfriendly. He called me a fox whore abomination and attacked me."  
"He attacked you, just like that? You didn't - do anything?" Riven sounded disturbed.  
"No," Ahri said, thinking back as hard as she could to come up with any provocation, but all she could think of was the self-righteous hate in his eyes as he advanced towards her.  
"Okay, listen, I found an overhang we can rest under," Riven said urgently. "If you can help with a fire again, we'll heat something up."  
Ahri nodded, and Riven hooked an arm under her shoulders to help her walk, so that Ahri didn't have to put any weight on her injured leg, and she thanked Riven and Riven smiled a little softly, but she still looked very worried, and the way she stared directly forward made Ahri think that she wasn't just worried about Ahri, she was worried about something else, and she realized that Riven was stopping her march to help Ahri, and she felt a little sombered by that, but also very grateful, though she hated to be a nuisance. 

 

Ahri explained what had happened while Riven took a look at her leg, and it turned out Riven had a lot more healing supplies than Ahri expected, and Riven explained that it was because she knew other Noxians or really anyone might attack her, and she had to be ready for anything, so she put a bit of salve on the wound and wrapped up Ahri's leg all tight, and having Riven taking care of her made her heart feel kind of warm in a way that made her feel a little sick, and she didn't want to think about those kinds of mushy feelings, and she couldn't keep telling her story as Riven sat back and watched her expectantly. 

"What's wrong?" Riven asked, softly. "Too tight?"

"No," Ahri said quietly. 

They sat in silence for a few moments, and Ahri knew she was doing something weird and wrong, but she didn't know how to fix it, because she felt very uncomfortable but Riven hadn't done anything wrong. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Riven offered, sounding hesitant. Ahri wondered if Riven really knew what it was or if she could just guess, and she realized that she probably looked just like Riven had looked last night, and the irony of it brought a bitter smile to her lips, just like Riven's. 

"It's strange, how similar we are, isn't it," she said, looking up at Riven slowly. "You've been kind to me, but I just... I don't know if I'm comfortable..."

She trailed off, not sure what to say she wasn't comfortable with, because maybe she didn't really know for sure herself. 

"That's fine," Riven said, but she sounded a little disappointed, and Ahri wondered why, since she didn't really seem like she'd want to pry too much, given how testy she had been about her own troubles. "Um, I noticed you don't have your rations."

Ahri gasped. "Oh no! I'm so sorry!" 

"You jumped in a river," Riven laughed. "It's not your fault you lost them. I'm just glad you got out okay. And it's good you have your coat still, too." She reached into her bag, making to warm something up for Ahri, without saying anything, as if this was just the way things were, that Riven would take care of Ahri, but in this case Ahri didn't mind, because she was tired and injured and hungry, and that was a good time to be taken care of.

Still, though, she shifted slightly, looking away. "Why do you care so much about me?" she murmured. "We only just met." 

There was a little pause, and in her periphery Ahri could see Riven recoiling a little, and it made her chest tight, because she didn't want to upset Riven, even though she probably couldn't avoid it, being a strange mutant abomination like she was. "I... don't mean to patronize, or anything, um..." Riven's voice was very quiet, and she cleared her throat, and looked away, and drew out her 'um' for a little while. "I... I'm sure that you don't... really want my attention, or anything, what with me being... A..." 

Ahri looked up at her, and Riven took a deep breath and straightened herself.

"A Noxian." She sighed it out, all at once, like pulling a knife out of its wound, just to get it over with, but Ahri watched her intently, and she kept going a little hesitantly. "You know, what with the way I... murdered your people." 

 

Ahri could not stop herself.

 

"Why?" she asked, very quietly. Riven's shoulders bunched up and she looked away and closed her eyes. 

"I don't know," Riven said. "I'm - I'm just so sorry, Ahri. That's all I can really say. That's all I can say to any of your people. I'm so sorry for what happened." 

"You didn't want to do it," Ahri clarified, sitting up a little. 

"Well, I wanted to go to war," Riven admitted, laughing a little sheepishly. "But it wasn't - it wasn't what any of us expected. You know, we... we had this idea, built up from fighting Demacia for so long. It was this... it was a fight for glory, and everyone was a hero if they fought hard enough, and dying was an honor because it meant you died for a good fight, and you didn't feel bad for them because... just like you, they chose this, and it was their glory, too." 

Ahri did not understand a word of this, but Riven's voice was so quiet and unsure, she felt like the whole conversation would break if Ahri said anything, so she just stayed quiet and listened, and watched Riven's face and eyes, trying to figure out what she was feeling, because feelings were easier to understand than words sometimes, not that it was hard to read what Riven was feeling: guilt. 

"Ionia didn't want it," she continued in a hollow whisper. "They just... they hated us. Not like Demacia, where it's this... this organized hate. It was real. It..." She shook her head, and buried her face in her palms, and groaned. "I can't," she gasped, "I don't want to think about it. I'm sorry, Ahri, I really am, but please, please don't make me talk about it. Hate me all you want. I deserve it."

It doesn't sound like you do, Ahri wanted to say, but she didn't know how to comfort Riven, she didn't know if Riven even could be comforted.

"I - I wanted to thank you," Riven said suddenly, pulling her hands away, looking at Ahri. The exhaustion was back. Her voice was high and bright, but it was fake, she was trying to sound happy, because she didn't want Ahri to realize how upset she was, but it wasn't working, but Ahri tried not to react now, and instead to just listen. "For... helping me sleep, last night."

Ahri smiled sincerely. "I was really happy to be able to help," she said honestly. "My problems must be so quaint, to you..."

"No!" Riven said firmly, "I actually - I thought about them a lot, all day today, and how sad it is that no one takes you seriously, and how strong you have to be to keep being nice to everyone you meet. It's... It's really inspiring, Ahri. I..."

...she trailed off, and looked away, crossing an arm over her chest. Ahri watched her, her smile fading away, eager to learn more, hoping maybe she would get a clue as to how to help her. 

"I don't know what to say," she muttered. "I just... you should hate me, Ahri. You know that, don't you?"

"You defended me," Ahri said lowly, "and took me seriously when others wouldn't, and told me where to go so I wouldn't get lost, and shared your food with me, and let me talk about my problems with you, and now you've stopped your march so you can take a look at a little scratch on my leg, because you were so worried about me. It is overwhelmingly hard to hate you, Riven."

Riven laughed once, but Ahri also heard a sob in there, and Riven looked away and folded her arms, smiling sadly, the rim of her eyes shining a little. "I don't get it," she said simply. 

 

They paused for a moment, and Ahri watched her closely, but she didn't move or look back at Ahri, she just stared out at the sky, now that the wind was starting to die down and the snow was almost completely stopped, Ahri wondered if there would be clear skies tonight, as the clouds looked a bit thin, but then she thought how silly, Riven was most definitely not looking at the sky, she was staring _through_ it. She sighed to herself, feeling the sickly warmth in her again, watching Riven's bitter smile at nothing, or at everything maybe, and wishing so much she could help, to repay her kindness and make her feel happy, because she really liked to make people happy, and she had daydreamed all day about being Riven's friend, and even though she was starting to feel anxious because of that nauseous feeling in her heart, she wasn't the kind of girl to give up, and she knew she could at least try to address Riven's sadness right now, because she knew what Riven was sad about - sort of, she was sad because she didn't think Ahri should like her, that they wouldn't be good friends, because she had killed Ionians in a war, but that wasn't fair to her, and Ahri knew how to tell her that it was okay, because it wasn't like Riven was the only one that had ever killed people. 

 

"I've killed a lot of people too, you know," Ahri said softly. Riven looked up, but her eyes were not as surprised as Ahri expected.

"I thought that was what it was," she murmured. "The... charm stuff." Ahri nodded slowly, preparing herself to speak, drawing her legs close to her chest, and her tails wrapping around her legs; this was scary, but it was worth the chance to help Riven feel better again, and maybe even help her sleep again. "I guess we're just two evil people together."

"Do you think I'm evil?" Ahri whispered seriously.

Riven laughed, and shook her head. "No, I really don't."

"I don't think you're evil, either." 

Riven hesitated, but sighed. "You don't... know what I did."

"Neither do you," Ahri said pointedly, inclining her head. "But you can guess, and so can I. You were a soldier. You killed a lot of innocent people. I remember their faces, Riven. Not just the Ionians, but yours, and that was what made it so hard to watch. You came in and killed us, in horrible ways, and you always looked so crushed by it. Why did you keep doing it, then? Why kill, again and again, if every time you get nothing out of it?"

"I don't know, Ahri." Riven looked away, taking a deep breath and sighing it back out quickly, and her voice was broken now. "Please believe me, I don't have the answer to that."

"Okay, I do believe you," Ahri said hastily, because she realized she was accusing Riven, and she didn't want Riven to feel accused or hated, because Riven was past that now, and she CLEARLY FELT TERRIBLE, and Ahri didn't need to be the judge, that wasn't her place, and right now Riven was a good friend providing comfort, and Ahri didn't mind if she had been a murderer, because right now Ahri felt safe and happy with her company, and she wanted Riven to feel that way, too. 

But Riven's silence made her not so sure.

 

"I'll tell you about me, then," Ahri offered. "Would that help?"  
Riven shrugged, silently. 

 

"I stole this body," Ahri started. "From a dying mage. I don't know how I did it, but I recognize now that that's what happened. I took his soul, too. That's how this all started. I grew up a fox, and changed... about... four and a half years ago, I think."

"How old were you?" Riven asked, quietly. "Could you remember your age?"

"I didn't have a concept of a year," Ahri admitted, with a little smirk. "I didn't count the winters. But I think you and I are probably the same age."

Riven nodded. Ahri was sad she was being quiet, and tried not to let it build into anxiety, because she was already nervous enough without that.

"But I wasn't complete. I still - thought, and felt, like a strange broken fox, and all I could really think about was eating and finding places to sleep, and I was so hungry all the time. But deep down, I wanted to be human. I had always loved seeing humans and always wanted to be like them, and I knew I was closer, but I couldn't fake it. But I found out that if I looked someone deep enough in the eyes, they would just follow me, and then I could steal their soul, and I would be just a little bit more human."

"Their soul," Riven repeated, her eyes widening. "You don't just kill people."

Ahri winced and curled up even more. "I... no, I don't. I... I consume them."

Riven nodded. "Go on." 

Ahri gulped. The heart-sickness and anxiety were mixing together and she was feeling very ill, but she had to keep going, since she had started it after all, and Riven was listening closely by now. "I... w-well, I... I kept doing that, for... a long time." It was hard to think about it, but she tried to power through her memories, they were just hazy images and feelings, but they weren't happy feelings, and they weren't pretty images. "And... o-one of the first things I realized was, I was beautiful... people... wanted to breed with me. Have sex, make love, you know. Back then, I just thought of it in instinctual terms." She remembered her haughty laughs as she taunted the boys, and even the girls, because they were helpless to her, once she looked in their eyes, and she remembered thinking, _so this is power_. "So... I... played with them. I'd tease them, and let them get close, or sometimes if I liked them, I would... I would let them, and then I'd take their soul." She remembered... the... the emptiness, that came after... "But something felt off about it after a while, and I... I felt cold, and hollow, instead of full and happy, and I didn't know why..."

"You felt guilty," Riven murmured. "Because you were... starting to become more human, I guess?"

"That's what Karma thinks," Ahri agreed, trying to ground herself back in the present again, where everything was okay, but the present wasn't any better, because she wasn't okay, that feeling was in her heart again, and she tried to stifle it and she swallowed again and kept talking. "Animals... don't have mercy, they don't feel guilt. But I realized I was taking something that wasn't mine, and that I was really badly hurting people, and I could see it in their eyes as I did it, and I could see it in the eyes of people who had been friends with the person I took, and... I started running away, but I couldn't... stop feeling bad."

Riven was quiet. The tip of Ahri's tails slowly brushed back and forth, all together. She remembered looking down at a corpse in horror for the first time. She remembered the panicking. Hiding. Running. She remembered cursing herself for doing it, because that was what a fox did. Not a human. A human tries to fix their mistakes. A human tries to control their temptations.

"And one day, I saw a boy and a girl, together," Ahri said, very quietly. "And I - I remembered seeing boys and girls together, as a fox, and I thought they were sweet and cute. It was fun, to think that you would be such happy friends with your mate." Fun, Ahri thought, but she meant beautiful, and wonderful, to think that a mate was more than just a thing that guarded your young, but someone that made you a better person, that strove to be perfect with you, because no human could be perfect alone, and she remembered thinking innocently that one day she might find someone like that, and being so excited she could burst, and she remembered that when she was younger, she used to use that feeling as a happy memory to help her smile. "And... And all at once, I... realized what I had done... what I had been telling people when I charmed them, when I - when I made them just think about me, instead of everything else, that meant something to them, I had been promising them something... " She felt her throat growing tight, and her vision was blurring a little, and she let it come, it was okay to cry, because this hurt her, and there was no point in hurting if you didn't cry when it happened, and there was no point in what had happened and what she'd done to all of those poor, innocent people if she didn't learn her lesson, and cry to tell their spirits she was sorry. "I didn't know if I could ever feel that way about them, but I wanted to, so I - so I tried, I found a boy, and I played with him, and I promised myself I wouldn't take his soul away, but I... I couldn't stop myself, Riven, I... I felt so good, and so happy, but so wrong at the same time, and I just, I wanted to feel better, I couldn't think straight!" She was shouting now, and her fists had clenched around her legs, and her knuckles hurt, and her vision was blurry. "I - I killed him, Riven, I just tried to love someone and I couldn't stop myself from killing him!" She sniffled loudly. "A-And... And then I realized... what had happened, and I just... I couldn't..." 

 

She couldn't keep going, she was already sobbing, not looking at Riven, just looking at the fire, remembering his face, he had been young and cute and innocent, and a nice boy, and he wasn't the prettiest but that didn't matter to Ahri, pretty wasn't that big of a deal, she just wanted to fit in and feel like a human, and think maybe she could be in love just like them, and this boy had been nice to her and said nice things, like she was just a bit of a strange person, even though she'd done foxy things around him he just kind of laughed it off, and he was really nice and sweet, and... 

...

 

"Have you been with someone ever since?" Riven asked, quietly. Ahri shook her head fervently. "Maybe you should." Ahri looked up, shocked. Riven smiled a little at her face. "Hear me out." 

She shifted, and laid with her back to the wall, and closed her eyes for a second, and took a deep breath, before letting it out slowly again, and Ahri watched her close, and the sick-warmth rose in her again, that feeling that she maybe was in love, and the deep fear that came with it, but it wasn't as scary now, because Riven knew that Ahri couldn't love her, so it was okay to feel it, and Riven would understand not to do anything with her, and then she'd be safe; somehow she had turned her fear to relief, even though that feeling that scared her was still there. 

"The Noxian ideology," Riven began thoughtfully, reverently, "that I was taught and grew up with... it's basically, the purpose to life is being the strongest you can be. But after Ionia, and after meeting people like you... well, I don't know what strong really means, but I do know that weakness is a disease." 

"A disease?" Ahri whispered. Riven nodded.

"It'll eat at you," she said, "and make you feel worthless, and it'll rot your ambition and your pride. It's in all of us. We're all just fighting off our own weakness. Someday, it catches up to us. Some of us are lucky, and die before it happens." She shifted in a little closer. "Ahri, you can't let yourself stay afraid forever. I don't know what it is you need to do, but you can't just run and hide from this. You have to fight your weakness head on. You can't run from it." 

Ahri nodded, slowly. This... made sense to her, in a way, because she could understand that she had been running from her own fear for a very long time, doing the fox thing and not the human thing, but she didn't know how to fight it, except just never love anyone, which Ahri had done, but because of it she was alone, and now the thought that she couldn't be friends with Riven because of it hurt her, and she thought maybe she knew how she could fight it, but she imagined the boy's lifeless body except now it was Riven, and she squeaked and curled up and felt like she might vomit.

"Are you scared to charm people?" Riven asked. Ahri shook her head, because charming people wasn't scary, as long as they didn't get too close to her, and she didn't start feeling... hungry... "Would you be scared to kiss someone?" Ahri nodded. 

"That's how I would lie to people, to lure them away," she murmured. "To kiss someone is a symbol of affection for them, and many humans crave affection... it was manipulative. And I liked to... take their soul that way, at the end."

"But you've kissed someone without bringing out their soul."

Ahri nodded, slowly. Riven nodded with her. 

"So you know you can restrain yourself," Riven said, smiling a little. "It might be hard, but you know you can do it. Just remember that." 

Ahri took a deep breath, and nodded, and let it out again very slowly, and she noticed how much it was shaking, because she was very scared, and it was out in the open now, and she supposed she might as well just say it. "I just... worry that if I find someone I care about, I won't be able to restrain myself at all," she murmured. "I'll get too excited and it'll be like... last time."

"Well, you don't have to _only_ kiss the person you're in love with, you know," Riven chuckled. "Hey, maybe we can practice."

"What?" ...What??

"You know. I'm strong, and I can push you off or whatever if - if I feel floaty or dead or something. I dunno, I assume there's like, a moment where you can feel it happening?" Riven laughed, a little nervously. "I'm just - I'm just spitballing here, alright? I just don't like seeing you beat yourself up over it. You deserve to be loved." 

Ahri's head was spinning. What did she tell her?! 'Sorry, I actually am in love with you'?? "I... w-well..."  
"Just an idea." Riven sat back and looked away. Ahri realized she was blushing. "Just - just a dumb idea. Don't... mind me."

 

"Do you want me to kiss you?" Ahri couldn't help but sound perplexed, but in truth she was so nervous, but she would burst if she didn't ask, because if Riven _also_ had a crush on Ahri, then... Ahri didn't know what to do, then, but she was worried, because she very much did not want to hurt Riven, either by breaking her heart or stealing her spirit.

"I dunno, maybe it would help, is all," Riven grumbled, looking a little annoyed, although she still didn't look at Ahri, and her blush got a little brighter. "Forget about it, okay? It was a stupid suggestion."

"I might have charmed you on accident, just now" Ahri said quietly, and she thought to herself that that was probably what had happened, that she had just looked at Riven too deeply in her eyes, and accidentally charmed her, and that was why Riven was acting weird. "I'm really sorry, if I did! I don't mean to make you uncomfortable." That would be a relief, wouldn't it? If it was just an accidental charm that made Riven as? Because then Riven didn't really have a crush on Ahri, and Ahri could just go on stifling that little impulse of affection in her, so that she wouldn't ever get close to anyone she loved and then hurt them, and she and Riven could be friends, and that was a good thing! It was a really good thing! Ahri, it's good! It's - It's good, so stop... stop tearing up. Don't cry.

 

Silence came over them both. Riven stood, after a moment of it. 

"I'm gonna get more firewood," she muttered. "You get some sleep."

"You're going to sleep, too, right?" Ahri asked, suddenly apprehensive, suddenly remembering that Riven was in pain, that Riven couldn't sleep, and she couldn't believe she'd gotten so wrapped up in her own stupid emotions to have forgotten that, but Riven just walked away, and she did come back, after a few moments, with a few twigs from who knew where, but she didn't look at Ahri, she just cast them into the fire dejectedly and watched it burn. Ahri settled into the ground and her coat, and closed her eyes, and waited, listening close, because her own problems could wait, what mattered now was Riven, and she wasn't giving this up very easily, she wasn't the kind of girl to give up on things, and she definitely wasn't the kind of girl to let someone she cared about suffer. 

 

She waited, and waited, and waited. She twitched her ear sometimes, and made soft sleepy sounds. She heard Riven sigh, heavily, and barely cracked open one eye, to see Riven staring deeply into the dying campfire, and satisfied with that she closed it again, because now was the time to both pretend to be asleep, and to figure out what to do, to come up with a plan, although before she could come up with a plan, she had to figure out exactly what she wanted to accomplish. 

And that was kind of a challenge, because she still didn't really know how she could be friends with Riven, without her heart hurting so bad, and she wanted to believe that it would be worth it for having such a good friend that treated her nice, but worth it really wasn't the problem, the problem was whether she could restrain herself, the problem was what happened if she accidentally charmed Riven again, or if Riven did have a crush on Ahri, which was still maybe possible, or what if Riven developed a crush even if she didn't have one now, and... this was silly to worry about, Ahri thought, she was absolutely obsessed now, there was no denying that she couldn't help it, and she heard Riven's words in her head, saying that she had to fight it, before it wrapped around her and ate away her confidence and happiness, and Ahri knew she had felt that happening, and she didn't want to live in fear of herself forever, but the thought of failure was... 

But if she were to try to put Riven's feelings first, and focus on making her feel better that night so she could sleep, she could ignore her own dumb crush for now, and worry about that later when it was more opportune; for now, Ahri just wanted to figure out what Riven was going through, and there was an obvious parallel to start with, Ahri had already noticed that she and Riven were very similar and had similar problems and feelings, so it was safe to guess that Riven had some weakness in her heart that was eating at her, and Ahri imagined it had something to do with being part of the Ionian invasion, and she wondered if she felt bad because she had lost, or maybe she had done something dishonorable, but she wasn't sure what that would mean, and besides neither of those really felt right, Riven was guilty and upset about killing Ionians, she looked like those soldiers she remembered from home because she _was_ one, and figuring out what was wrong with Riven was the path to solving her own mystery about that invasion, and she thought that ought to be exciting, but it wasn't, it was just anxiety-inducing instead. 

She heard Riven get up, and she heard her grunt as she was picking something up; so Ahri had been right, Riven meant to leave Ahri alone, but she would not be tricked this time, so she waited for Riven to tramp out into the snow before opening her eyes carefully and watching her walk away, but she stayed behind, because she still needed to think and plan about how she was going to help, and in order to help Riven she knew the first step was to figure out the problem, and she still hadn't even got that far yet. Sure, she had an idea that it was a lot like what Ahri felt, but that wasn't helpful because Ahri didn't know how to comfort herself, let alone how to comfort Riven, who was having the same problem but worse. She supposed if she could get Riven to talk about it, she would have a better idea, but it was too late to just ask now, and besides, Riven didn't seem to want to talk about it - no; she seemed _unable_ to talk about it, with the way she shivered and curled up and hid from herself, and - she was hiding, she was running away? Ahri's ears twitched again; surely Riven knew what she had to do, right, because Riven seemed too smart to have that advice and not use it, and Riven didn't really seem like the sagely type to have that kind of advice out of nowhere; it was something that Riven had already realized she had to do in her heart, but she didn't think she could do, that was what Ahri guessed, and she didn't know how to get around it, or even if she could get around it, because she couldn't fight Riven's battle for her, all she could do was try to encourage Riven to push through it, the same way that she had encouraged Ahri to. But Ahri was too scared to face her own weakness, and she was sure that Riven felt too scared, too, although scared of what she didn't know, and that was at least a more helpful question, but she didn't have an answer, and just a question wasn't enough.

She sighed, and carefully pushed herself up, it had been quite a while and Riven had probably gone a decent ways, so Ahri felt she had better follow along just in case she lost the trail, and she could spend her catching up time continuing to think, but she doubted that she would come up with anything concrete asking, so she just focused on Riven's trail; she seemed to just be making to continue up the slopes, into where it was leveling out a bit so that more trees could grow, and it looked like she had paused at the top of the ledge above where they'd been camping, maybe to look down at Ahri, which she thought was an important observation, and she decided to think about it in a second. 

Because she looked up, instead of down, and saw how gorgeous the night sky was, and it made her smile a little, and she wondered if wanderers like Riven got to see sights like this all the time, and she decided she wanted to take some time and commit it to memory, as one of the things she could remember to cheer herself up: it was so pretty and full of stars, scattered and smeared like glitter spilled on a black canvas, and all many different colors and shining with different intensities, and everywhere she looked a star twinkled at her and it was honestly transfixing, and the crescent moon hung high overhead shining its gorgeous light down onto all below, and Ahri remembered how she liked starlight best, but this was a lovely night where the star and moon didn't have to fight, they could share, and it made her happy. She wondered if maybe Riven had been looking at Ahri after all, and not the night sky, and she hoped that Riven had seen it, too, and that it made her a little happy, but she worried that maybe it hadn't, because some people had a veil, usually of pride, like Darius and Leblanc, where they wouldn't let childish things through because it affected their pride, but Riven's veil was just sadness, and she didn't want to think that Riven was so sad she couldn't appreciate such a beautiful sky as this. 

She kept following Riven's tracks, up into the trees, where it was becoming more level and easier to walk, and Ahri wondered if they would come across anyone else here, where they might've set up camp, and she wondered how she had caught up to Riven, and if Riven had maybe come back looking for Ahri after she had taken so long to get up the cliffs, and the thought worried her a little, because that was evidence towards Riven's kiss suggestion not being an accident, and even though part of her was happy, part of her was also obviously scared about that, because it was harder to imagine how she would deal with both of them having a crush on each other, but she still had to just put that aside, it was still more important to help Riven. She kicked at the snow under her feet, trying to focus on just that question she had found, the question of what Riven was scared of, and the more she thought about it the less it made sense, because even though it was all just the same as Ahri felt, Ahri was definitely very scared, but Riven did not seem scared, Riven seemed... what did she seem? Ahri thought she seemed more tired, and underneath that guilty, but those things were consequences of whatever she was going through, and not the cause itself, and just as she was thinking this, she saw something strange, and looked up at it.

There was a little lump of snow, sitting on a tree branch, formed to look like a little tiny person without arms or legs - they had two little pebbles as eyes, looking out innocently at Ahri, and Ahri wondered where that had come from, but as she looked around behind her she saw a clump of snow taken out along Riven's path that she had missed before, so Ahri smiled at the snowman, thinking how cute and sweet, and she wondered if maybe that was an indication that Riven was feeling a little playful, maybe even a little better, and as she kept going there were a couple more of them on a tree root, right next to each other like they were holding hands, and looking up at Ahri, and she thought this was also cute, but something about it unsettled her too, with the way they looked up at her, as if expectant, or something, and she hesitated a little and started to move more slowly. It was hard to shake the feeling that they were watching her, even though it was just the two or three of them, because Riven had made them specifically to look up at herself, as if they were speaking to her...

A little ways up, there was clumped-up snow dashed across the ground, with a little snowman half-crushed before them, and Ahri knelt down at it carefully; there were what might have been bases of other snowmen, but someone had destroyed them, and Ahri didn't see any tracks other than Riven's... so Riven had made snowmen but then didn't like them and had smashed them, and she hugged herself a bit and stood and kept going, wondering what she might have seen; because snowmen were really symbols, and Ahri loved symbols because they were a human thing, where humans would see something in front of them but would think of it as something else, like the way a little pile of snow could represent a person, and there was no reason for Riven to be angry at her own snowmen unless they represented something she didn't like, something that made her angry, or something else, and Ahri could definitely imagine that there were people that might be on Riven's mind that made her upset, that made her feel guilty...

 

 

Riven's path had curved up the hill, and soon Ahri saw the wall of light ahead of her that she knew meant the trees were about to end, and as she got closer and slowed down she realized that there was a cliff here, and she saw Riven's silhouette, sitting on the ground and looking out at the sky, the gorgeous starry sky that Ahri had been admiring earlier; Riven didn't look back at her but Ahri knew that she wasn't being quiet as she approached, so Riven was just choosing not to react, right now she had one leg pulled up to her chest and the other dangling off the cliff edge, looking very casual like nothing was wrong, and Ahri wondered if maybe she felt better now, but that felt very much like wishful thinking. A bitter wind rushed past them, and Ahri shivered, but drew herself up, trying to overpower it, because she had come so far now, and it had always been cold out here, and she would have to tough it out, even if her foxfire was dim.

"Um," Ahri said, aware that this was not what Riven had wanted, she had wanted to leave Ahri behind, and maybe go finish the race herself, or maybe just think about things, or something else, but Ahri had been too stubborn. "Hi." 

"Hey." Riven's voice was very quiet and kind of more friendly than usual and Ahri didn't know what that meant. It wasn't a good friendly, like they were friends, but it was more open and exposed, and honest, instead of Riven's normal kind of gruff and gravelly voice, the voice that had reminded her of Yasuo. "Have you thought any more about my offer?" 

"Huh?" Ahri's tails curled tightly and her hands wrung each other over her chest. "Your... offer?"

"Yeah, to practice on me." Riven shrugged. "I was just thinking, you know, it'd be good for you, since you wouldn't have to feel bad if anything went wrong." 

That was the wrongest thing Ahri had ever heard, and it made her blood boil, and she flung her fists down and yelled "How dare you!" 

Riven flinched, but didn't turn, or look, or say anything, she just kind of froze, and Ahri was seething, her tails were waving around, fanning themselves out to make her look big, and she remembered the face Riven had made when she apologized to Ahri, and she felt her vision blur and her eyes start to sting. 

"How dare you," she hissed, her voice shaking, her fists shaking, her body shaking, her heart pounding. "You're my friend, whether you like it or not." 

"Whether I like it or not, huh?" Riven whispered. Ahri didn't know what she meant, or what to say, but she supposed taken literally, that was very rude to say, and very much like a Karma thing to do, instead of a Riven thing to do. "What if I don't?"

"Well, then, we don't have to be friends," Ahri snapped, but she withdrew a little and her breathing calmed down and her heart slowed a bit. "I just mean... I... I care about you a lot, Riven." 

"Well, you shouldn't," Riven said, and her voice was suddenly very cold, but Ahri drew herself up again. 

"Why shouldn't I!?" Ahri cried. "Why do you keep saying that!? You're the first human to really take me seriously since I started talking to humans! You shared your food and firewood with me, and we talked about things that I don't ever feel comfortable talking about with humans, but you took me seriously, and listened, and even gave me advice that I really liked!" 

Riven was hanging her head. 

"You - You've been... you've been my friend," Ahri finished, trailing off, her throat tightening up, feeling like this was a little pathetic, but she didn't want to leave it at just that. "So I... I wanted to apologize for... making you think about... all of that."

Riven laughed a funny laugh, a high pitched and callous laugh, a little like that one time when Ahri had hurt her feelings, and she took a deep breath, and sighed it out, stretching her shoulders, and started to stand up. "I bet you're thinking something like, oh, Riven shouldn't beat herself up about her past, she should just move on."

Ahri was only sort of thinking that, because you can't just tell someone to move on, Ahri was never going to move on from the fox she had used to be, she was always going to remember, she would never forget the faces of the humans she had killed, and she was just going to have to live with that mistake. 

"No, I'm not thinking that," Ahri said softly. "That's not how grief works." 

Riven folded her arms, still watching the sky; the wind was blowing her hair out, and it matched the snow and the silvery moon. "No, it's not," she agreed quietly. "But let me ask you. What would I move on _to_?"

Ahri furrowed her brow and bit her lip to stop her teeth from chattering. She didn't really know what Riven meant. 

"I mean," Riven continued, gesturing wide now, "I've got one skill and I'm damn good at it - I'm a warrior. I kill people. Anywhere I go, that's going to be the best thing I can do for a living."

"Well," Ahri murmured, "we're both alike, in that way." Not that Ahri had made money for killing people, or any kind of a profession at it, but it was hard to deny that she was very good at it, and she was not very good at many other things at all. 

"Sure, I guess," Riven sighed, exasperated, her hands dropping to her sides. "So what, what are you doing to move on?" 

"I just... distract myself." Ahri shrugged, and looked away. "When I remember it, I think about all the things that made me feel happy, and I remind myself that life is beautiful and worth living, and that humans have the capacity to change. So even though I'm not complete now, and I was kind of a monster before... well, that doesn't mean I'll be a monster forever." 

 

Riven was quiet. 

 

"That goes for you, too," Ahri clarified, a little hopefully.

"Easy for you to say," Riven spat, turning halfway to glare at Ahri with one eye, and Ahri saw light reflected at its corners, dampness rimming it. 

"You told me that we have to face our weakness head on." Ahri swallowed again, and shivered, and hugged herself, and shrunk away a little, but she had to keep going, because she was not going to give up, no matter how angry or scary or sad Riven was. "And I thought, when you said that, it was too scary, I couldn't do it. I still feel that way. But I can feel in my heart that you're right. If I never try..." 

Riven closed her eye slowly, and looked back out at the sky. 

"Too late for me," she murmured. 

"You're here, in front of me," Ahri said, a little stiffly, trying to flare her tails, but they felt so cold it was hard to want to move them. "I expect a brutal bloodthirsty warrior from every Noxian I meet, but instead I met a beautiful, sad, humble woman that made me happier than any human I've ever met."

"Yeah, I'm nothing like them." Riven let out a long, heavy sigh, and Ahri heard it shaking, and she saw Riven's shoulders shaking. "Death is a - it's a funny thing, Ahri. When They stare you in the face, you think about a lot of things." She heard Riven gulp, too, and weakly resume breathing, and Ahri stepped a little closer, nervously. "They don't give a shit about glory or honor. They don't give a shit about nobility or justice. When They stare you down, it's just you and the end of your life, and..." 

Ahri was quiet, respectfully, fascinated, trying not to shiver even though she was freezing cold, but she could deal with the cold, Riven was more important right now anyway. 

"I just thought, what am I going to be remembered for?" Riven whispered. "Some pathetic sacrifice to the Melter tanks because I was too weak to beat off a bunch of angry farmers? The people that would live on, they wouldn't see what I saw. They wouldn't understand the fight we were facing, no one in Noxus really does. I would be remembered as a failure that got her soldiers killed. I would be remembered as part of a murderous war machine that scarred the earth for vanity." 

Ahri took a deep breath, meaning to speak, even though she didn't know what she would say, not completely, but she didn't get to try.

"You say I can change," Riven snapped, cutting her off, whirling around, eyes alight with inner fire and anger, like a smoldering void, dark and furious and endless. "To what? Should I be executed for war crimes in Ionia or Demacia? Berated and made irrelevant in Noxus? Or do you think I should just keep running, in the vain hope that some day maybe I'll find something better?"

Ahri wanted to say that that was all anyone could do in their position, but she didn't feel like she could speak, because she at least had a home to go back to, even if she didn't like it, and she remembered before when she'd thought that she wished people would fear her like a Noxian, because then at least she'd be respected, but she watched Riven now and thought that she had not known what that would mean, and she felt very bad for Riven, who would probably be so happy to trade places with her... 

"No," Riven declared, "there's nothing better for me. I've looked, and waited, and there isn't anything. I'm weak, I'll always be weak for what I did, and for what I allowed to happen. But there is something I can do with myself that at least gives some meaning to my death, and helps someone I care about." 

Ahri perked up, excited suddenly, but then she immediately realized what Riven was about to say. "No!" she cried. "No, I won't!"

"If you take my soul, and use it to become even just a little more human, I will be happy with that," Riven finished, firmly. "I won't have to suffer through this nightmare anymore and I can be a part of something stronger and more beautiful than I could have ever been."

"And what about me?!" Ahri yelled, backing away with her tails wrapping around her protectively, "I have to just watch you die, the only human friend I've ever made, and I never get to talk to you again, or tell you stories about how people treat me, and feel like maybe I'm a nice girl that could belong somewhere?!" 

"I'm not - I'm not a good friend for you," Riven tried to shout back, but her voice was weak, and the dampness in her eyes was building up again. "Ahri, I don't want to have to beg you, okay? I've made up my mind, I'm even kind of excited about it, because I know - I know you really want to be human!"

"I'm not going to become more human by murdering someone I love!" Ahri cried shrilly. "What are you thinking!?"

"I'm going to die either way, Ahri," Riven roared, "and I don't want to wither away into nothing! I'm asking you to give my life purpose, how can you deny me that?!"

"B-Because - " Ahri choked, and sniffled, shying away even more as Ahri stepped forward, her eyes searching Riven's desperately for some sign of hope, that Riven maybe was desperately looking for some validation or something, but that wasn't what she saw, she just saw endless black, a bottomless pit Riven was falling in, pleading for rescue, for an end, and Ahri felt very sick. "Because I like you alive," she finished limply. 

Riven sighed, and closed her eyes slowly, then took a deep breath and straightened herself up. She took a few steps forward, slowly, firmly, eyes still closed, and Ahri started to back away. "Riven, what are you doing?"

"I am giving this to you."

"No, Riven, please, I don't want this!" 

"I want you to have it." 

Ahri let out a feral yelp and jumped fully backwards, clinging to a tree trunk nearby, off of the path. Riven's eyes had been shocked open by the sound, and she saw Ahri move, and stopped walking, watching her, arms limp at her sides again, shoulders slumped, her tears reforming... 

"Why won't you let me end this?" Riven breathed. "Why are you just letting me suffer?" 

 

Ahri watched her, confused and startled, from behind her tree cover, trying to calm her heart and thoughts, because she'd come all this way without a plan, but now what the hell was she supposed to do, Riven wanted to just -- die?! She felt so revolted at the idea, just thinking about taking away her life, anyone's life, but especially Riven's, who had been so wonderful, who WAS so wonderful, surely, but how could she convince Riven to see that, and she couldn't take her eyes off Riven as she slumped onto her knees, then onto her hands, starting to sob...

"Ahri, I - " She gulped, and shook her head, "It's been this for years, I keep going around in circles, I don't know how I'm supposed to reclaim my own honor, let alone the honor of my allies, let alone the honor of the Ionians that died for nothing..."

Ahri wanted to tell her that it was okay, but she couldn't speak, her voice was gone and her throat was closed and her heart was cold.

"I just want it to be over," Riven choked, lowering herself into her arms. "If I have to die to fix this, then that's..." She trailed off, and sniffled. "That's..." She looked up at Ahri slowly, her eyes wide, the color having filled back in a little, horror blooming on her face. "Ahri, what - what have I..."

All at once Ahri's determination was restored, she shifted forward a little, maybe she could help, maybe this was the opening she needed. "You're okay," she promised, "it's fine, Riven!"

"No," Riven gasped, shaking her head and pushing herself up onto her knees, hiding her head in her hands, "no, no, no, Ahri, I - oh gods, what am I saying, what am I thinking...?"

It wasn't okay, and Ahri gulped as she realized, this was a momentary reprieve but not the end, and she carefully moved forward, closer still, staying low to the ground as if afraid to be spotted, kneeling by Riven's side, awkwardly reaching out to touch her shoulder, but she didn't know if Riven would want that, so she didn't, she put her hands down in the snow again, and she didn't know what to say, and Riven looked out from above her hands and shied away, looking to the side, sniffling loudly, her eyelids puffy and swollen...

"I need help," Riven whispered, "gods, I can't - I can't do this anymore, Ahri, I need help, please..." She suddenly grabbed Ahri's shoulders but hid her face under her bangs, and Ahri yelped and froze up, confused and scared. 

"How?" she blurted. "What - how can I help?" Because I want to help, I really do, but - 

"Charm me," Riven said suddenly, looking up, desperate and serious. "I just need - I need to stop thinking about this. I just have to think about anything else." 

Well, yes, Ahri thought wildly, a charm would fix it, but that was because it would replace Riven's thoughts with a lot of thoughts about Ahri, and with Riven being so intensely emotional right now it was very likely that that would lead to - it would be very intense, and Ahri wasn't sure she could handle that without killing her, and she flinched and hesitated, but Riven's lips went tight and her eyes narrowed and flashed. 

"Ahri, charm me," she commanded, and Ahri felt something strange wash over her, her spine tingled, her hair stood on end, she felt deeply cold; it was almost like being afraid, but Ahri wasn't afraid for herself, and she wasn't really afraid of Riven in that moment either, but she wanted... she needed to do what Riven asked. She... had to. 

"I'm scared," Ahri whimpered, because she couldn't run, or hide, or pretend, Riven would allow none of it. 

"Do it," Riven said. "Before this gets any worse. Please." She didn't sound desperate now. But she did sound very sure. 

Ahri closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, trying to feel confident, trying to believe in Riven, because Riven wouldn't ask this if she didn't trust Ahri, right, she had to trust her back, so she thought about how beautiful the night sky was, each star in the sky like a perfect diamond, and the moon overhead lighting up their surroundings, a soft blue-white glow that made everything pretty and serene, and she breathed out very slowly and felt her fists clench in the snow; and she thought about the feeling of running through the woods as fast as she could, the tiny scrapes on her feet and legs as bushes and twigs snagged on her, but the way she grinned and refused to slow down for such tiny injuries, the rush of adrenaline as she pushed her beautiful human's body to its limit, and taught it to do the wonderful playful things she'd once been able to do as a fox; she thought about pulling herself up on the shore of the Trident River, and funny that she thought about it now, she could swear she had started laughing, because when she thought about it she wanted to laugh, and she embraced that laughter, the laugh of someone who had done something stupid and lived to tell the tale, and she inside she laughed at how horrified Karma would be, and she laughed at how Wukong would react, he would laugh and laugh and clap and clap, and she knew what Wukong would say to her right now, he would say that she could do it, she could do anything, and she heard his voice in her mind and she smiled a little; and she thought of Riven's face, soft and gentle and sorrowful, as she told Ahri she was sorry, so sorry, for everything humans had done to belittle her, to make her feel like she didn't belong, to make her feel like an alien outcast, a crossbreed monster, a fox whore, when she told Ahri she was a nice girl, and that humans were assholes and she was sorry she had to find out, and she remembered the tiny, shocked smile on Riven's lips when Ahri had said that apparently not all of them were, and she opened her eyes, it was time, she was going to help, she was ready for whatever happened.

She looked into Riven's eyes, very deeply, and found Riven searching hers in response, and she willed her happiness and hope and love into Riven's heart, telling her to believe that it was okay, to calm down and feel something warmer and gentler, and she saw Riven's eyes start to grow just a little duller as she welcomed it, and she crawled towards Ahri a little and Ahri's heart pounded at her frantically, even if she'd tried to be ready for this, it scared her, Riven was not interested in holding back, she was not interested in going halfway, she could see it in her eyes, and Ahri honestly didn't know how much of it was the charm or wasn't, but if Riven had asked to be charmed, she must have known what would happen, and to not even try to stop herself - and scary as it was, Ahri was not about to give up, Ahri was not the type to give up, she was not the type to let her friends suffer, and if she had any say in the matter, she was the type to change herself for the better, especially when her friends needed her most, and she was going to show Riven right here and now that she could be depended on, and she steeled herself and whispered: "Very well. Come to me." 

 

Riven was upon her in an instant, wrapping her arms around Ahri and pressing their lips together; Ahri gasped and groaned with surprise, not from her movement but her warmth, she was so warm, and Ahri was so cold; she kissed back, noting how dry her own lips had gotten, but how soft Riven's were, and she wrapped her tails gently around Riven, on either side, like a fluffy snowy blanket, and she draped her arms around Riven's neck as the taller woman squeezed her just a bit more, pushing them backwards - Ahri shuffled back a little awkwardly, remembering where a tree had maybe been, until she found it and rested her back against it, and then Riven pressed a knee between Ahri's legs and Ahri gasped again; she could feel Riven's soul in her, pulsing and pressing up against her own warmly, a great mass of thought and emotion and instinct, and Ahri swooned as she felt it, it was so much and so warm and so bright, and she felt her own spirit rejoicing at its presence; she drew herself up and wreathed her hands in foxfire, and slid one underneath Riven's coat and into her tunic, feeling her side and back, and she heard Riven groan as she pulled her head away a little...

"It's okay," Ahri breathed, as Riven bent down to her neck and began kissing hotly at it, making Ahri shiver and arch her back up a bit, her breath slowly forced out before she could gasp it back in again. "You're okay, Riven. I'll do anything I can to help you." This was a little thing she would do when she was charming someone, to soothe them - to speak to their worries and their fears, if she knew them, and to try to appeal to their desires, to ingrain herself just a little more, and it was normally a part of deceiving someone so she could eat them, but she WASN'T going to eat Riven, she just wanted Riven to smile and be happy, she was NOT GOING TO EAT HER! "I'll resist you," she continued, but this came out a bit more strained, as her body wanted to moan as Riven was now pressing her teeth in, and oh gods it felt really good, she hadn't felt that in a long time, and Riven did it so earnestly and passionately like little pulses of electricity that ran through her spine and ohhh it felt so amazing, "I'll resist you, to show you that - that we can change - " She did moan, this time, and now Riven was pulling her top up and she had to back off and raise her arms for it to come free, but then she pressed back in, she didn't feel cold with Riven so close, and her heart on fire, and Riven was pushing between her legs a bit harder too, so she wrapped one of her legs around Riven's; "A-and together - we'll be happy, right?" 

Riven didn't answer, but recognizing that Ahri was done she came back up to her lips, and Ahri welcomed her, touching her tongue to Riven's and clutching her side, and Riven offered her own tongue, pressing firmly but touching shyly, and Ahri wondered if she'd done this before, or if she was used to it, so she was gentle with her, trying to just slide gently across her tip to let Riven know it was okay before sliding back to give her control again, and Riven accepted and began to fence with her; heat pulsed through Ahri and her hips rocked forward a little, as Riven's hands began to slide across her bared stomach, up to her breasts, and she ground herself against Riven's leg, her breath catching, her fingers clenching in even tighter, and she heard Riven gasp a little too; 

Oh, oh, Riven was so hot, Ahri was bare in freezing weather but her body was warm, and her spirit felt like it was burning, because Riven was sending spikes of pleasure and heat into her body, and now her tongue was shaking and her legs were quivering and her insides were aching for that familiar pressure, even though part of her was horrified, much more of her was excited, so excited, and so happy, and she just wanted to hold it and caress it and kiss it and consume it and make it a part of her but she couldn't, you can't do that, it's not yours, but she could feel it right there in Riven's heart, and she just wanted to feel it being happy and warm, and but she wanted more than that too, she wanted to touch it, she wanted to taste it, and she just imagined it, maybe if she just imagined it would be okay, she imagined the way her mind went white and her eyes unfocused and her tails would curl with such delight, the way her mind felt cleansed and soft and focused, she groaned just remembering, ohhh she wanted it, but she couldn't have it, you can't have it, you can't have it 

She grabbed Riven's shoulders and pulled back then dived onto her neck and bit into it, not hard, just a little, just trying to contain herself, because it felt nice to have something between her teeth, and she heard Riven moan and it made her shiver, and she felt Riven's soul pulse and it made her melt, ohhhh more of that, she pressed down a little harder, she sucked on Riven's skin, she felt that warmth in Riven quivering, it felt so glorious, she hooked her leg around Riven's and tried to hold her even closer, even tighter, you can't leave me, you're mine now, but she's not yours Ahri, she's her own, she whimpered and nuzzled, no be mine, and she kissed Riven's neck furiously, remember you love her, remember how happy she makes you, but her mind felt hot and melty and she was shaking and her thoughts were shaking, it was hard to remember anything, but the ecstasy of Riven's soul was pressed up against her, and it filled her mind, 

"You're mine," Ahri whispered, desperate to remember, to hold herself back, but unable to stop herself, "tell me you're mine - "

"Maybe you're mine," Riven hissed, and Ahri snapped her jaws by Riven's ear and shoved on her shoulders and Riven fell with a cry of surprise, and Ahri pinned her and was tearing off the wrappings around her chest, pulling off the corset to have fuller access to her, while leaning down and pressing into her forehead, holding her lips tauntingly above Riven's as the exile whimpered, staring into her eyes

Oh it was there, she saw the fire, she saw the light, glimmering and shining with emotions, and they were happy to obey Ahri's command, as she stared down with her own, they followed her gaze, fixed and unmoving, she could just take it, she could just have it right now, Riven didn't even want it _but I want her to have it_ but it would feel so, so good, she dove into Riven's neck again and then down into her chest, hiding from her eyes, hiding from the fire, even though she could just feel it burning, just under Riven's skin, she kissed at it, she worshiped it, I love you, I love you, I want you, but I can't have, I can't touch, she shivered and arched her back and her tails curled around desperately, she bit into Riven's breast, the softest warmest skin she could find, and Riven cried out, she felt her pulse, and she pressed up at Ahri and held her shoulders and the back of her head, holding her down, so she kept going, kissing and biting gently, nipping her stomach, teasing her navel with the tip of her tongue and feeling Riven squirm, pulling away the wrappings on her waist... 

She didn't hold back here, she dug into her, hungry, desperate, passionate, holding her by her hips, she tasted Riven's desire and she tasted little glimmers of Riven's humanity and it drove her on, ravenously now, her tongue working as deep as it could in search of that place that would make Riven spasm, before coming out to work at the entrance, teasing her, feeling her shiver, 

"Cold," Riven panted, but she sounded strained and pleasured, and Ahri laughed a strange laugh, she hadn't meant to laugh but it sounded carefree and happy and just a little sinister, and she felt Riven shake a little at the sound of it, and it was glorious; she shifted and wrapped her tails around Riven's body, as much of it as she could reach, swaddling her in warmth and fur, pretending her tails didn't feel the power inside her, the warmth and light and emotion, but oh Ahri could still taste it, she could taste it at the tip of Riven's breaths, she could taste it in the edge of her quivering, she heard it in the beat of Riven's heart, she could even smell it now, she was so close, but IT'S NOT MINE I CAN'T HAVE IT

"Ahri," Riven was whining, she was pleading the girl's name, the human inside Ahri's body, and Ahri reached up and all but clawed at her stomach and chest, burying herself in finding Riven's satisfaction, desperate not to snap, not to give up, it was all she could do to remember now that she couldn't take what her body wanted but it made her feel so cold and hollow, and Riven felt so welcoming and warm and full, she heard Riven crying her name, she couldn't give in, she had to finish her--

then Riven's back arched and her voice caught in her throat, and a moment later she had sat up in a flash and was gripping Ahri's head, pushing her away, and Ahri lifted up but pressed very close, and Riven was kissing her again, and Ahri laughed at the desperation of it, not waiting for Ahri to clean her lips, not waiting for anything, there was no time for that; they rolled, and now Ahri was in the snow and Riven was above her, panting, with her legs still shaking a little, and Ahri giggled and wiggled her hips and pushed out her chest, taunting the warm spirit she knew Riven had, come and play with me, but Riven was not playing around; she lowered herself onto Ahri's neck again, and Ahri's breath caught as Riven's teeth settled in, giving her those little shocks again, she squirmed under the bigger girl's body, oh she was so big, she was so strong, Ahri could feel her muscles, she could feel Riven's raw power, she could easily break Ahri's arms and neck and legs and ribs

A hand settled between her thighs

She yelped and clamped her legs around Riven and now Riven was the one who laughed, soft and domineering and smug, and Ahri shrunk a little and her inner flame seemed to falter, but her heart rejoiced, Riven was still here, Riven was still in control, and that's good because she loved Riven, and Riven kissed up to the side of her head and stretched up to her foxy ear and nipped the little tiny corner and Ahri gasped and shivered, and she kissed down to Ahri's nose, then her lips but she didn't kiss, she bit on Ahri's lower lip when Ahri tried to kiss her, and Ahri whined in desperation, let me love you, let me worship you, but she pulled away laughing, stroking her, not slowly, pushing fingers into her entrance carefully but not hesitantly, testing her, she gasped at it, this was - this was fairly new, actually, she wasn't sure she'd had someone do this to her before - boys always with their dicks and girls always with their mouths but hands were still kind of new; 

Riven felt along Ahri's body with her other hand, gripping her skin, squeezing her breast, with a dominant and possessive air to her, and it made Ahri shiver and bite her lip, it wasn't a lot but it was something that stirred her own spirit, again making her feel a little colder - but not real cold; she felt slower and shier and Riven loomed over her like a towering conqueror to whom Ahri was pledged, as Riven appraised the value of her treasure, and even like this there was still heat, it was in Riven's hands now, and it streaked into Ahri on every movement as heat built up in her lower body and began to slowly consume her, until she started to gasp for breath, and her voice wouldn't cooperate and she panted and whimpered, and her heart beat faster and faster, Riven leaned down again to press into her, kissing her nose and making Ahri cry out with desperation but still Riven wouldn't kiss her just yet, and she shifted over to the side and whispered up into her ear, "You're so cute when I play with you," and Ahri clutched at her, 

"Play with me more," she pleaded, "I love how you play, I love how you feel, I want you, p-please - " her throat closed and her own back arched, a peal of bliss rushed through her, the world seemed to go white, but then Riven was holding her, kissing her finally, and she moaned with delight and held her tightly and kissed back, and she pulled back after a moment of playing with her tongue and looked into her eyes, and Riven was smiling but she blinked and her eyes got so wide and so cute, and she could see the light of her soul in them, and she giggled oh so softly to it, you're mine, you're mine... 

_NO YOU CAN'T TAKE IT_

"You're so mine," Ahri sighed blissfully, and she licked her lips, it was so tantalizing, so close to her, and Riven didn't flinch, didn't falter, oh Ahri knew she was aware, she was just happy to put her life in Ahri's hands, and now Ahri would decide whether she lived or died, and her smile grew to a grin, she ran her fingers teasingly along Riven's nape, but Riven didn't look away, her eyes fixed on Ahri's, wide and attentive and loyal, lost in Ahri's charms. "Let me feel your tongue," Ahri requested, shaking her hips a bit, "and then I'll try my fingers with you." And Riven nodded, and began to kiss down Ahri's body, reverently but eagerly, and Ahri giggled and laid back again and let her work her magic.

 

There was an odd moment though, after a long time, when they had been playing so much Ahri had lost track, and she'd stopped talking or even really thinking, but then Riven felt weak in her arms, and she was confused about that; they were sitting together with one of Ahri's legs hooked over one of Riven's so they could thrust at each other and Ahri had been very much enjoying that, holding Riven who was shaking and trembling and panting, and kissing her neck and ear and sometimes biting them just a little, but then Riven cried out in what Ahri thought was climax, and she had stopped to let them rest, but Riven wasn't recovering, she was quiet and weak and her eyes were closed...

...and Ahri started to feel scared, but it took her a moment to remember why, and then she started to panic. Oh no, oh no, she had done it, she laid Riven down carefully but her hands were trembling and all at once the flame in her heart was gone and she felt so piercingly cold, and carefully, tenderly, she reached up to Riven's neck, trying to find a vein or something, to take a pulse... but she saw Riven's chest rise, slowly, and she reached down to feel her heart, and could feel it beating, quickly but also calming, and she leaned in so she was touching Riven's body with her own, and she could still feel the warmth and allure of Riven's soul inside her, now still like the surface of a peaceful lake... 

She sighed, with relief, and smiled down at Riven, and she thought it was cute and funny how this had turned out, and she started to laugh, and she started to cry, too, and she laughed and cried and held Riven close so she wouldn't get cold, and committed to memory the happiest she had felt since the day she became a human.

 

She woke up a little after the sun rose, and was alone in the woods on the hill, but it took her a few moments to really process what had happened, because she had been very tired the night before and had slept very, very well. She groggily remembered the Frostbound March existed and that she was still doing it and that was why she was shivering in a bundle of blankets; she remembered moving their campsite in the middle of the night despite being exhausted; she remembered she had been scared for Riven but everything had worked out, or so she hoped, they had - they'd... oh. Oh... no.

She blinked, flushing, and looked for Riven, but she wasn't nearby, and in alarm she hastily got up and pulled her coat on and made as though to look for her, but there was a sound of movement not far away and Ahri turned and saw Riven was sitting at the edge of the cliff again, watching the sunrise, or at least she had been, but she'd quickly gotten up too when she heard Ahri moving, and they were just looking at each other, both a little frightened. 

"Oh," Ahri said, with relief, "You're okay!" 

"Yeah." Riven smiled, a tired smile, but a happy one, too, and a part of Ahri rejoiced because she'd not seen Riven smile like that so far. "Yeah, thanks to you, I'm alright, Ahri." 

Ahri smiled, as brightly as she could, because she was happy that Riven was safe and smiling, but she also didn't know what to say, and she just stood a little bashfully trying not to look nervous or confused, even though she felt very much both things, and Riven started to come towards her and she squeaked, and dashed over, because that didn't make sense, it was more romantic to sit and watch the sunrise together, right, and that's how this was supposed to work? And as she sat down she began to panic because she really did not know what she had done or what to do now, what a monster she was really, she had no idea what to do after sex, because she had killed everyone that had gotten this far. 

"Thank you," Riven said, after they had sat together in silence for a bit, about an arm's length away from each other, because Ahri had no idea how far or close to sit, she had no idea about anything. 

"I'm just glad I could help," she mumbled, settling on this as the best thing to say, because it was true, but her voice was weak. 

"I... yeah." Riven cleared her throat. "It was, um. It was an interesting experience, for sure. I thought it'd be a lot more like... mind control, but it's not like that at all."

Ahri shook her head silently, no, that wasn't what it was like, she wasn't that smart or powerful or talented, she just made people feel things. 

"It was more like... everything I already felt about you was intensified, and everything that wasn't related to you was diminished." She took a deep breath. "Like, I thought about how sad you would be if I gave up, how I wanted you to believe you didn't have to give up, either, you know?" 

Ahri didn't say anything to that, she didn't know what to say, she didn't know what to think yet, this was confusing and she wished she could just ask, but she felt so cold and scared, because she didn't know what she would do if Riven turned her away or if she made a mistake.

"I guess, if I'm being honest," Riven continued, "I- I asked you to charm me because I hoped it went wrong." She laughed again, bitterly now, and Ahri glanced up and saw her eyes glittering with dampness, as she stared out at the sunrise. "Gods, was I pathetic last night, or what? But, you know, I was - I was rooting for you. I believed that you could do it!"

"Yeah," Ahri murmured, looking away again. "I did it. I didn't kill you." 

Riven was quiet, and Ahri's heart sank, she shouldn't have said anything, but now Riven knew she was sad and confused, and now everything was harder and more complicated, because Riven would probably try to say nice things and lie to make Ahri feel better. 

"Um... yeah," Riven said, slowly, hesitantly. "I mean... it's... great, right? I thought it was great! Now you can find someone to love and you don't have to be as afraid, because you know you can hold yourself back!" 

 

Yeah. Someone to love, that isn't you, right? 

 

Ahri nodded, and smiled, as best she could, because at least now she had her answer, and she looked up at Riven and sighed, feeling something leave her, feeling a chill from all around that made her shiver but also filled in a space where something had been missing just a moment ago, as if the cold had belonged there all along. "You're right," Ahri said softly. "I - I really appreciate your help with that. It's..." What, what was it? It was good, it was reassuring. Right? But she couldn't find words and trailed off, and Riven watched her with a strange expression, her brows furrowed and her lips half-frowning. 

"Ahri," Riven said seriously, "what's wrong?"

"No!" Ahri shouted, pushing herself partially upright, onto her knees. "No, nothing's wrong! I promise!" She grinned, smile more, be happier, this is a good thing, Ahri, everything is okay! "I understand, it's - it's really good that we were both able to help each other last night, and now I can stop being so scared and find someone that treats me like I'm a human being, and really cares about me and how I feel, and won't mind listening to me talk about stupid things that happen to me, you know? Like how love is supposed to be. I can - I can love somebody now, right?"

"Ahri," Riven said, louder, turning to stand up next to her, but also stopping on her knees, and Ahri cut her off, stop being so worried, I'm fine, I'm not sniffling, I'm not tearing up, that's - that's from how relieved I am, okay, listen: 

"I'm fine," she snapped, "I'm fine, okay, I'm really happy we did this, it was nice and you made me feel really wonderful about myself, and I can - I can remember that there are nice humans, and I can find one that I can love and they'll love me back and it'll be wonderful!" Her voice broke and she shook her head fiercely, stop that, stop that, you're happy, stop that! "So thank - thank you for being so nice to me! It's okay if we don't see each other again or anything, or ever get to talk, I - I know I'm very hard to be friends with - "

Riven lunged over and grabbed Ahri and kissed her, and Ahri clutched at her and kissed back, and she felt it again, that lovely wonderful warmth, pressing up into her own, even... enveloping her, just a little, wrapping itself around her, and next thing she knew she was in Riven's lap kissing her back, tears on her cheeks, and when she pulled away with a little hiccup, Riven hugged her tight and Ahri hugged back and hid in her shoulder and sobbed, her body too full with sadness and relief and confusion to hold it in. 

"I love you," Ahri whimpered. "I love you, Riven. I'm sorry I've gone and messed all of this up and made you feel awful things."

"You also made me feel wonderful things," Riven whispered, kissing her cheek. "Like... the feeling that someone cares about you enough to come looking for you, even when it's dangerous, or even if they have to lie to you and pretend to be asleep, you liar."

"Sorry," Ahri hiccuped, and Riven laughed softly.

"I like being around you," she continued. "I like hearing what you think of people, and listening to what goes on in your life. And you're... you're funny, and thoughtful, and you refuse to let things be wrong as long as you can help."

"Someone I really like once told me that I didn't seem like the kind of girl to give up on things," Ahri mumbled. 

"They must be very observant," Riven chuckled. She delicately let go of Ahri, as she had finally started to calm down a little, and was just sniffling and tearing up a little, instead of sobbing pathetically, but she avoided Riven's gaze because she was embarrassed, but Riven held her cheek softly, and whispered for Ahri to look at her, so she looked into her face; her eyes were... so pretty, they were so red, a shining and glittering crimson that Ahri had never seen before, and would never see again, a color special and unique to Riven's eyes, and she committed it to memory without even thinking about it. 

 

"So I don't care about how hard you are to be friends with," Riven said, softly but with finality. "If you'll have me, I am absolutely willing to be friends with you."

Ahri hesitated. 

"Gi- Girlfriends." Riven coughed, and turned red, and looked away. "Girlfriends, with you. That's what I meant."

Ahri laughed and fell into Riven's shoulder again, holding her tightly and hiding from the world, feeling the warmth of Riven's body and soul, feeling for a moment like that was all that mattered, and pretending just for a moment that Riven had charmed her, and she thought maybe that wasn't so far from the case, because Riven couldn't just charm someone by looking at them, but she had tried very hard to make Ahri share her feelings, and it made her smile and she sighed with relief and squeezed Riven just a little, as Riven held her in return. 

"Okay," she whispered. "Let's be girlfriends."

 

 

Darius was ahead of them, Riven explained, so they decided not to go anywhere, because there wasn't really a point, which was a little disappointing, but Ahri didn't care about winning at all anymore, Darius could go win if he cared so much, better him than her anyway, so they just sat at the cliff and watched the sun come up and the clouds begin to build, and Riven commented on how a storm might be coming, and they lit a fire together that would smoke out their position just in case. And sure enough, by around midday, a mage of the Institute appeared behind them - he explained that the march was over, and that he could teleport them to the end, though it would take a few moments. 

Ahri had intended to stay with Riven after, but he teleported them out one at a time - and when she arrived, blinking away her disorientation as she found herself abruptly out of the wind and cold and in a dim wooden cabin, she didn't have time to do much of anything before she was grabbed by the shoulders and found herself staring into a very concerned Karma's face. 

"You're alright," Karma sighed, relieved. "Of course you are - I don't know what I expected. But it won't do for you to run off like that and then disappear into the wilds, during Snowdown, no less." 

Ahri stared at her for a bit, completely bewildered, slowly remembering that the last time Karma had seen her she had been sent away with Taline, who would show her around the Snowdown couples' festival, and Ahri felt a strong spike of guilt at poor Taline, who must have been so sad and confused, she couldn't have known what was wrong, but then she remembered the feelings of worry and guilt she had felt around going back to Karma, and here Karma was just scolding her like a relieved mother, and maybe she should have been relieved too, but instead she felt annoyed. 

"It won't do," she snapped, mockingly, and Karma blinked in shock, because Ahri did not normally talk like this, but after days of being cold and nearly drowning and nearly having to kill someone wonderful, she was not exactly feeling patient just then, and she wanted away from Karma, she wanted to go find Riven, she wanted to explore and find out who won and what was going to be given to them, and Karma probably did not care about any of that, and she just did not want to put up with it. "I am not a child to be chaperoned, Karma. Leave me be."

"All the same, you are my responsibility," Karma said, quite stiffly, and she let go with one arm but not with the other, still holding Ahri's shoulder as if she intended to drag her around. "You had many of us very worried, even after we found out where you went."

"That is your own fault, then," Ahri growled, shaking herself free of Karma's arm. 

"Is it wrong to be concerned?" Karma countered, looking worried but sounding annoyed. 

"No, but it is wrong to chase me around like an ill-mannered child," Ahri shouted, "yet that is all you ever seem to think of me!" 

There was a tense pause, at least between them, as Karma searched her eyes for a few moments, although there was chatter all around them that seemed not to care about their conversation; and Ahri drew herself up and folded her arms with a huff, aware that she was being rude, very rude, and distantly rather sorry about it, but at this point if Karma was her friend, she would also be sorry, and if not, Ahri now had a new better friend she could go talk to instead, so hah.

"I see I've hit a nerve," Karma said, quietly. "Very well, Ahri. It's good to see you safe. Congratulations on your success, I'm told you were the second closest to finishing." 

"I spent a lot of time exploring," Ahri murmured. "I'd like to speak with the other contestants."

Karma turned and gestured behind her; there was a bar and a wide open lounge with a roaring hearth. Tryndamere and Garen were laughing over drinks, and Sejuani was with her own group of people Ahri had not seen before. And standing at the bar, Riven and Darius were talking, but their voices were heated and their faces were bitter, and no one else was paying them mind, but Ahri was sure they were arguing about something or another, and she watched them with a bit of concern for a few moments, trying to discern what they were talking about.

"Darius won," Karma explained, seeing Ahri's interest. "But every year, Riven has won, since she came here. I doubt either of them can take the loss lying down; that's the way Noxians are." 

"You think so?" Ahri murmured, annoyed but disinterested, mostly just being surprised to hear that Riven had won every year since she had arrived, but then that made sense, if Riven just had so much trouble sleeping that she would keep going, of course she would win, because she never had to stop, and that's why she had told Ahri that endurance was the key, and she smiled a little, thinking how clever Riven was, even though it wasn't an especially clever thing, it was still one that made her smile.

"Their business is their own," Karma said dismissively, as if Ahri needed to be told this, and furthermore without even considering that maybe Ahri actually had a good reason to care about one of them, so she strode away with her arms folded, whipping her tails over Karma's shoulders. 

"I will be the judge of that," she snapped, and she did not listen for Karma's response, because she didn't care. 

 

She turned her attention instead to the Noxians, and as she approached, she could hear more clearly, with her lovely sensitive fox ears: "...if you're so defiant," Darius was saying, though Ahri did not catch the first part.

"It's not for you to decide," Riven snapped, decisively, clearly hoping this would end the conversation, but Darius just snorted.

"Maybe not," he agreed, "but when you say that, I don't hear a proud and confident soldier of Noxus. I hear a child. No - I hear a coward, on the battlefield, begging to go home. That's what I hear."

Riven stood up all of a sudden, clearly very affronted, and Ahri froze up, aware at how much of an insult this was, because that was all anyone ever treated Ahri as, and gods did she hate it, how could Riven bear for such disrespect? But when Ahri watched Riven's eyes, didn't see anger, she saw fear, anxiety, concern, and Ahri wondered why that would be, and became very worried about what they were talking about, because strictly speaking she didn't know yet...

"You're running from the only option you have," Darius sneered. "Why? That's what I want to know, Riven. What do you fear so much?"

"Fear," Riven laughed, but her laugh was empty, just like the one Ahri heard on the cliff edge the night before, and in the ravine... "That's not what this is."

"Then what is it?" Darius pressed, standing up as well. "Speak with conviction. Answer the question. Don't evade it."

"There isn't an answer," Riven hissed. "I don't want the option I have. I'll find another." And Ahri suddenly thought she knew what they were talking about, or at least had an idea, because this sounded like something they had been talking about last night, and she felt proud of Riven for saying that, but she didn't sound very sure, she looked intimidated!

"Will you? Where?" Darius snorted. "You're a child of Noxus! A prodigal soldier born for glory on the front lines! Anyone else would be envious of your talent and your accomplishments."

_What accomplishments,_ Ahri wondered, because she wondered what Riven had done that Noxus thought was worthy of praise, but more than that, she knew it didn't matter, because Riven was not proud at all, and you couldn't appeal to someone's 'talent' or 'accomplishments' when they don't want those things, but Darius was trying because he didn't know how Riven felt, he didn't realize that Riven didn't care, because of course she would, why wouldn't she, being a child of Noxus and a prodigy and all that?

"And what about everyone else on the Ionian front?" Riven whispered, her voice shaking. "The soldiers serving under me, that came looking for the same glory - "

"Weak," Darius said dismissively. "You know that. That's why you're here, and they're not."

Riven didn't respond, and she stepped back, looking more cornered than ever, and Ahri wondered what she was thinking, what she was afraid of, but she had some ideas, and either way it didn't matter, what mattered was: she didn't want to do what Darius wanted, to go back to Noxus, and Ahri was supportive of that even if she was confused, because she was Riven's girlfriend, and she was going to help Riven be happy and fight her weakness head on! Darius glanced around, and his eyes met Ahri, and Ahri immediately resumed walking towards them, hoping to play off her eavesdropping, and he sneered at her with a condescending smile that made her want to rake his face. "You survived the river, then," he said, mockingly impressed.

"Of course I did," Ahri snapped. "I hear you won! Congratulations."

His smile turned to a scowl. "And good riddance. Contestants doubling back to go look for each other and treating each other like toys to be played with. Let this be a lesson to you."

"A lesson?" Ahri tilted her head. "I didn't want to win. It's good that someone who cared did, though! Wouldn't it be a shame if, say, someone out on a walk to clear their head won?"

"You don't go out into the Snowdown frost to clear your head," Darius muttered.

"You don't?" Ahri looked perplexed, except for how she was smiling in spite of herself, because this was silly and she liked how annoyed Darius was acting, be annoyed and leave my friend alone. "Hm. I just got back from doing something very much like that. Surely I can't be the only one tough enough to brave the Snowdown winter?"

"Ahri," Riven said quietly, but for now, Ahri ignored her, because she was having fun watching Darius get more and more exasperated.

"Wouldn't it be a little silly if you were the only one taking this seriously after all?" Ahri turned her head a little and grinned at the growing anger on his face. "A bit embarrassing for you, don't you think?" She giggled. "Well, anyway," she added conversationally, before Darius could respond, "Riven, you look a bit bored. Would you like to come outside and make snow angels with me?"

"Snow... angels," Riven said slowly, dumbfounded.

"Yes." Ahri did a couple of jumping jacks as demonstration, grinning. "You make a shape in the snow like a big winged woman! And you pretend angels fell to the earth. It's fun, I promise. And then after that we can make snowmen, and they can look at the snow angels and be confused."

Riven laughed, baffled, and turned back to Darius. "She's insistent," she said in false annoyance, but Darius just watched them with a spiteful glare and didn't respond.

"I'm sure you can have your big serious talk another time," Ahri groaned. "Come on! Let's play!"

"Cut away the things that make you weak," Darius said slowly, to Riven, without looking at Ahri, in a cold deadpan. "Before they kill you."

Riven hesitated, so Ahri grabbed her arm and pulled her, and Riven yelped and was thrown off balance but recovered quickly, and they ran outside into the snow together. 

Ahri immediately faceplanted into the nearest drift with a squeal, enjoying the fluffiness of it and the way it cushioned her fall, and enjoying more than that Riven's laughter behind her as her tails waved around, and she waved her arms and legs and then carefully pushed herself up, trying not to push any of the snow in so she had a perfect and smooth angel, minus her handprints on either side of her neck.

"There!" Ahri said, beaming up at Riven and then back at her snow angel. Riven folded her arms and stood over it, appraisingly.

"The handprints," Riven said lowly. "They're a little... mm."

"A little mm?" Ahri repeated, looking down at them, and Riven laughed again, a bit nervously.

"They make her look like she was - I don't know. Bending over, maybe?"

"No, she had to push herself up, because she fell into the snow," Ahri said indignantly, pretending not to know what Riven was talking about, though it made her want to laugh too, so she still grinned. "Angels don't do such impure things!"

"Ah, of course," Riven agreed. "What am I thinking? I just saw her fall..."

"I - what?" Ahri blinked, and Riven turned a little red and shot her a glare.

"I'm saying you're an angel," Riven muttered in sarcastic annoyance. And it was now Ahri's turn to turn red, but she stamped her foot indignantly.

"No, I'm not," she said firmly. "I'm a human."

"Yeah, of course," Riven said hastily. "Yeah. Right. Sorry." She looked away, and rubbed the back of her neck. "I just tho-"

But Ahri swiftly pressed up against her, wrapping her arms around Riven and nuzzling her shoulder, kissing her cheek, with a little purr, because she could still purr, she was sure humans could do it, they just didn't really know how.

 

"I understand," Ahri said softly. "Thanks."

"Thank _you_ ," Riven murmured, a little bashfully, wrapping her arms around Ahri in return. "For getting me out of that." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ahri looked up at her, but Riven was looking somewhere very far away.

"No," Riven said flatly. 

"Good. Then let's do something fun instead." She pranced backwards and balanced on one foot, because she had too much energy and was too happy, and couldn't contain herself. "We can talk about it later, if you want, because I want to know about the things that scare you, and maybe together we'll beat the disease and be strong." 

Riven turned to watch her for a bit, her lips straight and her shoulders tense, and took a deep breath, and as she let it out she closed her eyes and relaxed a little, and her eyes opened again when she was done and she smiled as sincerely as Ahri had ever seen, and it made Ahri grin back.


End file.
